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NEW MOVIES! JUNE 18 - JUNE 24, 2013 |
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JACK THE GIANT SLAYER (USA, PG-13) -
When first I saw the trailer for this movie I thought, "Oh whoa,
cool, the next Hobbit movie is coming out soon." But no, upon paying
attention, I realized this is no J.R. Tolkien. This is "Jack and the
Beanstalk," only badass and starring that guy from WARM BODIES. If
you're into bastardizations of fairy tales, also check out HANSEL
AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS. Otherwise, go read a book.
DIRECTED BY: Bryan Singer
STARRING: Nicholas Hoult, Eleanor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Stanley
Tucci, Ian McShane, Bill Nighy, John Kassir
METASCORE: 51, based on
37 Critics |
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QUARTET (UK, PG-13) -
Calling all senior citizens! Have you been feeling like something is
missing from your life? Maybe something like bland, dry British
humor? Well, worry your pretty little heads no more. Dustin
"Tootsie" Hoffman makes his directorial debut with this
non-threatening puffy pastry about aging opera singers who move to
an old folks' home for the musically talented, all for your
enjoyment.
DIRECTED BY: Dustin Hoffman
STARRING: Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Billy Connolly, Pauline
Collins, Michael Gambon
METASCORE: 64, based on
36 Critics |
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^STOKER (USA, R) -
Turns out Park Chan-wook can direct American actors and stay true to
his - um - creepy, incestuous fetish themes in this fairly
effective thriller. Mia Wasikowska stars as a young lady living in a
large, haunted house-style pad as her pale as all hell mother
(Nicole Kidman) gets her deceased husband's brother to move in and
be part of the family. Again, Park sticks with what he knows -
incest. And that's exactly what will drive people to rent this sick
puppy of a thriller. I know I'm going to rent it.
DIRECTED BY: Chan-wook Park
STARRING: Mia Wasikowska, Matthew Goode, Nicole Kidman, Dermot
Mulroney, Jacki Weaver
METASCORE: 58, based on
42 Critics |
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MOVIE 43 (USA, R) -
It's like a sketch comedy version of that movie THE ARISTOCRATS, a
one-joke comedic enjambment featuring numerous comedians and actors
reacting to and elaborating on the perversity contained within said
joke. But that movie and its director, Paul Provenza, at least
understood comedic timing. Now let's take a look at Brett Ratner and
Elizabeth Banks. At least Elizabeth is winsome enough to make other
movies and make us forget about this oppressively hot, steaming pile
of s***. Brett Ratner on the other hand? Nope. His struggles to
remain significant continue.
DIRECTED BY: Peter Farrelly, etc.
STARRING: Practically every star in Hollywood
METASCORE: 19, based on
22 Critics |
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21 & OVER (USA, R) -
This one's like SUPERBAD meets THE HANGOVER... college edition.
These kids are all, "Let's celebrate your 21st, man, even though
you've got a big test tomorrow." Sounds like somebody's getting an F
in life.
DIRECTED BY: Jon Lucas / Scott Moore
STARRING: Justin Chon, Miles Teller, Skylar Astin, Sarah Wright
METASCORE: 34, based on
21 Critics |
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THE LAST EXORCISM PART II (USA,
Unrated) - Seriously? Kyra wouldn't fist bump this movie with a ten
foot poll.
DIRECTED BY: Ed Gass-Donnelly
STARRING: Ashley Bell, Julia Garner, Spencer Treat Clark, Muse
Watson, Louis Herthum
METASCORE: 35, based on
20 Critics |
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#IT'S A DISASTER (USA, R) -
Just a normal Sunday couples brunch, or so it seems. These old
friends are getting together as usual, but as they're sipping on
mimosas and chowing down on quiche, some sort of terrible attack
befalls the city, leaving them trapped like rats with each other.
That's when things really start to get interesting... or
uninteresting. I guess it really depends on what you're into.
DIRECTED BY: Todd Berger
STARRING: Rachel Boston, David Cross, America Ferrera, Jeff Grace,
Erinn Hayes, Kevin M. Brennan, Blaise Miller, Julia Stiles, Todd
Berger
METASCORE: 57, based on
17 Critics |
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THE BRASS TEAPOT (USA, R) -
Annie and Johnny are young and in love, recently married and living
in a nice small town. There's only one problem: they are totally
broke. When an accident leads them to an antique shop, Annie is
mysteriously drawn to an old brass teapot. Turns out there's more to
this teapot than meets the eye and it might just solve their
financial problems if they are willing to go far enough.
DIRECTED BY: Ramaa Mosley
STARRING: Juno Temple, Michael Angarano, Alexis Bledel, Alia Shawkat,
Bobby Moynihan
METASCORE: 39, based on
15 Critics |
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AMERICAN MARY (USA, R) -
Akin to her performance in the coming-of-maturity film GINGER SNAPS,
Katherine Isabelle one-ups herself as a beyond mentally disturbed
woman in this shocker. AMERICAN MARY is a film whose sole purpose is
to show you the horrors of the medical world to the point of
vomit-inducing, panic-filled jubilation. For some, that's a pretty
accurate range emotions felt whenever you have to pay your physician
a visit. It won five Screamfest Awards, if that kind of thing
tickles your senses.
DIRECTED BY: Jen Soska / Sylvia Soska
STARRING: Katharine Isabelle, Julia Maxwell, Paula Lindberg
METASCORE: 46, based on
15 Critics |
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THE LAW IN THESE PARTS (Israel, Not
Rated) - Nine Israeli judges are interviewed by Alexandrowicz, the
maker of this documentary. Without being confrontational, he slyly
gets them to expose their own hypocrisy in upholding many of the
unjust laws that Israel has imposed on the Palestinians in the West
Bank and Gaza Strip. Even die-hard pro-Israel crusaders might be
swayed by these proceedings.
DIRECTED BY: Ra'anan Alexandrowicz
METASCORE: 79, based on
10 Critics |
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HITLER'S CHILDREN (USA, Not Rated) -
Profiling several people whose parents and grandparents were Nazis,
this documentary tackles a subject that's covered, at least
tangentially, in such recent high-quality films as LORE and THE
FLAT. Must be tough, though, knowing your immediate family is
responsible for so much evil. And you thought your parents were bad.
DIRECTED BY: Chanoch Ze'evi
METASCORE: 69, based on
9 Critics |
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LET MY PEOPLE GO! (France, Not Rated) -
A French postman living in Finland with his hunky boyfriend has a
number of zany misadventures which land him back in Paris, living
with his very Jewish parents. And that's when things start to get
REALLY zany for poor Reuben. If you combined the early comedies of
Woody Allen and Pedro Almodovar you might come up with this frothy
French farce.
DIRECTED BY: Mikael Buch
STARRING: Nicolas Maury, Carmen Maura, Jean-François Stévenin, Amira
Casar
METASCORE: 36, based on
9 Critics |
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MOSQUITA Y MARI (USA, Not Rated) -
It's like THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS, only these very
different girls don't understand each other... until they do. And
then they maybe want to understand each other in more than just a
friendly way, if you catch my drift. Well, there's your conflict for
you.
DIRECTED BY: Aurora Guerrero
STARRING: Fenessa Pineda, Venecia Troncoso
METASCORE: 66, based on
8 Critics |
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COME OUT AND PLAY (Mexico, R) -
Tagline: "It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt." Here's a
movie about little people who are bad. They may not be fully
potty-trained, but don't let that fool you. These tots are
full-blown killers! Duck, duck, stab, murder!
DIRECTED BY: Makinov
STARRING: Daniel Giménez Cacho, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Vinessa Shaw
METASCORE: 44, based on
7 Critics |
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THE GHASTLY LOVE OF JOHNNY X (USA, Not
Rated) - This homage to '50s B-movies features a crew of
inter-galactic teenage delinquents banished to Earth. Johnny and his
gang set off in search of the "resurrection suit," a piece of alien
technology that could alter the universe forever. Sounds pretty
heavy; too bad I can't take black and white movies seriously. Daddy
needs color to enjoy his flicks.
DIRECTED BY: Paul Bunnell
STARRING: Will Keenan, Creed Bratton, De Anna Joy Brooks |
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ROBERT MITCHUM IS DEAD (France, Not
Rated) - It's hard to believe Aki Kaurismaki was not responsible for
this deadpan absurdist comedy about an acting agent driving his only
client up to the Arctic Circle to get him cast as the lead in an
American production filming there. Then again, I guess it could have
been made by Quentin Dupieux, Bent Hamer, Michel Gondry, Roy Andersson, Jim
Jarmusch, or any of a growing number of artsy directors who make
movies about movies about movies about movies about movies.
DIRECTED BY: Olivier Babinet / Fred Kihn
STARRING: Olivier Gourmet, Pablo Nicomedes, Bakary Sangaré |
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^ = BART'S PICK OF THE WEEK!
# = KENT'S PICK OF THE WEEK! |
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NEW SERIES THIS WEEK! |
NEW (BUT NOT NEW) MOVIES THIS WEEK! |
NEW FAMILY TIME THIS WEEK! |
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