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NEW MOVIES! JANUARY 24 - JANUARY 30, 2012 |
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PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 (dir: Henry Joost / Ariel
Schulman, R) – There is definitely a sharp line drawn in the
ghost-sand about these movies. They either freak you out or do
absolutely nothing for you. Let's just say that they totally freak
me out and I loved the first two. This being true, I urge you to
watch the third and final installment of those scary demon stories.
Turn the lights off, the volume up, and get ready to tell Bart all
about it. |
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REAL STEEL (dir: Shawn Levy, PG-13) –
It isn't often that I feel like it's necessary to describe a movie
as "weird." Have you seen REAL STEEL? Case in point. This movie is
so weird I don't know what to say about it other than it's...
"awesome?" Haven't hated a kid actor in a movie this bad since STAR
WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE. Case end point. |
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50/50 (dir: Jonathan Levine, R) – I
hope I'm either the first or the last to start off a review of this
movie with a little line that goes like this: I'm basically 50/50
about this movie. On the one hand I totally hated it, but on my
second hand I also loved every bit of it. Even if it is a huge
bummer of a movie, this story about a 27-year-old and his battle
with cancer is about 50% worth watching. |
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THE WHISTLEBLOWER (dir: Larysa Kondracki, R) – If I
were a younger man, a movie of this intensity would have intrigued
me. People will love it just because it's a) a true story, and b)
about a police officer. But let me remind you of another movie about
a police officer that is based on fact. It's called COBRA and it's
starring Sylvester Stallone as the match-chewing, gun-slinging,
rough and tough beefcake known as Marion Cobretti. |
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RESTLESS (dir: Gus Van Sant, PG-13) –
Boy is bummed out. Girl is super happy. Boy meets Girl. Girl inserts
witty life view into Boy's life. Boy feels better. Girl doesn't care
either way because she was always happy without Boy. Boy gets Girl.
Girl gets Boy. Gus Van Sant cashes check. Checking account balance
goes up. Gus Van Sant doesn't care either way because he was always
rich. |
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^MYSTERIES OF LISBON (dir: Raul Ruiz,
Not Rated) – At a whopping four and a half hours long, this movie
must be chock full of mystery. Oh, what's that? It takes place over
three generations of characters spanning the lands of Portugal,
Spain and Italy? Oh, that's cool. I mean, sounds like something
you'd be into. Not for me though, unless it's about the mysteries of
Lisbon, Maine. Copyright! |
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*ESSENTIAL KILLING (dir: Jerzy Skolimowski, Not Rated) –
Just before you forgot about the existence of Vincent Gallo, he's
back! This time he isn't making you watch him have to go to the
bathroom real bad for 15 minutes like in BUFFALO '66. When they
describe a film as a "thinking-man's action thriller" you have to
assume that they are admitting to the existence of non-thinking
man's action thrillers. So they finally admit it! |
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HAPPY, HAPPY (dir: Anne Sewitsky, R) –
Sure we are partial to films from Scandinavia and just south of
there. They haven't let us down thus far: TROLL HUNTER, RARE
EXPORTS, DEAD SNOW. All winners! While there may not be any actual
monsters in this movie, it does concern a woman who is unhappy in
her relationship and yearns for something special. Nyt Cinema av
denne kaliber! (that's Norwegian, I think) |
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TODAY'S SPECIAL (dir: David Kaplan, R)
– After the huge success of "Ratatouille on Ice!" Hollywood decided
to finally turn the PIXAR movie into a live-action feature. Or wait,
it just sounds an awful lot like that, but without that rodent. If
there is one thing I know about people, it's that they love food.
And movies. So a movie about food is probably a safe beet... I mean
bet. |
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BEGINNING OF THE GREAT REVIVAL (dir: Sanping Han /
Jianxin Huang, Not Rated) – When this big-budget dramatization of
Mao’s revolution was released theatrically in China, the government
urged every man, woman and child to go see it in order to make it
the top-grossing film in the nation’s history. They even delayed the
release of TRANSFORMERS 3 and the last HARRY POTTER to boost ticket
sales. Millions saw it, but nobody liked it. |
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CATERPILLAR (dir: Koji Wakamatsu, Not
Rated) – A Japanese woman’s husband comes back from war a quadruple
amputee burn victim and she must do her patriotic duty and tend to
his all needs, including the naughty ones. |
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DIRTY COUNTRY (dir: Joe Pickett / Nick Prueher, Not Rated) – Next time you’re on a cross-country haul, make
sure you stop at any truck stop and pick up some CDs by Larry
Pierce, the most filthy-mouthed country singer in America. I’ll bet
you didn’t even know there was an underground “raunchy music” scene
until you watched this documentary. |
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HELL AND BACK AGAIN (dir: Danfung Dennis, Not Rated) –
Winner of the Grand Jury prize at the 2011 Sundance Festival, this
beautifully shot documentary is a hypnotizing close-up view of the
war in Afghanistan. Then, around the mid-point, it holds true to its
title and turns its attention to the war at home, when Sgt. Nathan
Harris returns with a crippling leg injury. |
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I'M GLAD MY MOTHER IS ALIVE (dir:
Claude Miller / Nathan Miller, Not Rated) – Adopted teenager Thomas
is obsessed with finding his biological mother. Obviously, when he
finds her there’s going to be some tension, but since this is a
French movie, that tension is probably going to be just a little
bit… sexual. |
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KEVIN HART: LAUGH AT MY PAIN (dir:
Leslie Small / Tim Story, R) – Consensus seems to be that it’s way
too early in Kevin Hart’s career to give him his own
theatrically-released stand-up comedy concert movie. Who does he
think he is, Martin Lawrence? More like a less funny Dave Chappelle. |
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THE LIE (dir: Joshua Leonard, R) – Man, it’s hard to
get up in the morning and go to that soul-crushing job when you just wanna make music with your best bud and hang out with your newborn
baby. Halfway between OLD JOY and OUR IDIOT BROTHER, this movie is
for all you sweet dreamers out there. |
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LIMELIGHT (dir: Billy Corben, Not
Rated) – From the makers of COCAINE COWBOYS and SQUARE GROUPER comes
another narcotically-charged documentary. This one's about Peter
Gatien, the owner of some of New York City’s most popular and
notorious nightclubs in the ‘80s and early ‘90s. |
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THE OTHER F WORD (dir: Andrea Blaugrund,
Not Rated) – The joke here is that punkers LOVE to use the "f" word,
but to them "fatherhood" might be considered a dirty word because it
makes them authority figures and they're supposed to be all
anti-authoritarian and everything. Watch in bemusement as this
documentary untangles the web of irony that enshrouds its clever
premise. |
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REVENGE OF THE ELECTRIC CAR (dir: Chris Paine, Not
Rated) – Now that there’s a good-news-filled sequel to the
documentary WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR?, I’m waiting for Al Gore to
make his sequel to AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH called, IT’S COOL, WE FIXED
THE ENVIRONMENT. |
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SHUT UP LITTLE MAN! AN AUDIO
MISADVENTURE (dir: Matthew Bate, Not Rated) – Ever had the urge to
tape record those two belligerent drunks who live in the apartment
next to you who argue incessantly and at great volume? Ever had the
urge to release those tapes on CD and have it become a cult
phenomenon amongst hipsters all across the globe and get featured on
THIS AMERICAN LIFE? Too late; it already happened to the people in
this documentary. |
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STINGRAY SAM (dir: Cory McAbee, Not
Rated) – You might be exactly the right audience for this absurdly
funny black & white sci-fi/western/musical from the makers of THE
AMERICAN ASTRONAUT. Martian lounge singer Stingray Sam and paroled
bounty hunter The Quasar Kid must rescue a little girl from a planet
of sycophantic all-male clones and their master, Fredward. |
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THE WOMAN (dir: Lucky McKee, R) – You
know what? Call it "social commentary" and "anti-patriarchy" if you
want, but there's only one reason why you'd rent a movie about
a feral woman who is tied up in a barn and "domesticated," and it's
not because you're a feminist. |
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= KURT'S PICK OF THE WEEK!
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= BART'S PICK OF THE WEEK! |
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NEW (BUT NOT NEW) MOVIES THIS WEEK! |
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NEW FAMILY TIME THIS WEEK! |
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NO NEW FAMILY TIME THIS WEEK!
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SEARCHABLES!
Click the link to see what titles we've got in
our collection! |
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FEATURED DIRECTORS (full list)
Robert Bresson [e.g., Pickpocket (1959)]
Manoel de Oliveira [e.g., I'm Going Home (2001)]
Brian De Palma [e.g., Carrie (1976)]
George Roy Hill [e.g., Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)]
James Ivory [e.g., The Remains of the Day (1993)]
Neil Jordan [e.g., The Crying Game (1992)]
Sydney Pollack [e.g., Tootsie (1982)]
Douglas Sirk [e.g., Imitation of Life (1959)]
Agnès Varda [e.g., Cleo from 5 to 7 (1962)]
Zhang Yimou [e.g., Raise the Red Lantern (1991)]
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FEATURED ACTRESSES (full
list)
Amy Adams [e.g., Junebug (2005)]
Sandrine Bonnaire [e.g., La Cérémonie (1995)]
Joan Cusack [e.g., School of Rock (2003)]
Geraldine Fitzgerald [e.g., The Pawnbroker (1964)]
Audrey Hepburn [e.g., Roman Holiday (1953)]
Diane Ladd [e.g., Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)]
Frances McDormand [e.g., Fargo (1996)]
Elizabeth Perkins [e.g., Big (1988)]
Hanna Schygulla [e.g., The Marriage of Maria Braun (1979)]
Catherine Zeta-Jones [e.g., Chicago (2002)]
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FEATURED ACTORS (full list)
Bud Abbott [e.g., Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein(1948)]
Tim Allen [e.g., The Santa Clause (1994)]
Alan Arkin [e.g., Wait Until Dark (1967)]
Paul Bettany [e.g., Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World(2003)]
Gary Busey [e.g., The Buddy Holly Story (1978)]
Jake Gyllenhaal [e.g., Donnie Darko (2001)]
John Malkovich [e.g., Dangerous Liaisons (1988)]
Robert Mitchum [e.g., The Night of the Hunter (1955)]
David Strathairn [e.g., Good Night, and Good Luck. (2005)]
Mark Wahlberg [e.g., Boogie Nights (1997)]
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FEATURED YEAR (full
list)
1950 [e.g., Sunset Blvd. (1950)]
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FEATURED COUNTRY (full
list)
France [e.g., Amélie (2001)]
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FEATURED GENRE
Inspired by Shakespeare [e.g., 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)]
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