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Click on the title for details. |
DECEMBER 19 - DECEMBER 25, 2006
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DECEMBER 19 - DECEMBER 25, 2006 |
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AGNES AND HIS BROTHERS (dir: Oskar Roehler, Not Rated) – Agnes, a transsexual haunted by the mother she never knew, is by far the most well-adjusted member of the family in this dark German comedy. |
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ALL THE KING'S MEN (dir: Steven Zaillian, PG-13) – What do you get when you combine a powerhouse cast including Sean Penn, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Anthony Hopkins, an Oscar winning director and a prestigious novel as source material? One of the worst reviewed films of the year! |
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AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS: THE NAKED MILE (dir: Joe Nussbaum, Unrated) – Because when you think of Christmas, you think of bad breast augmentations. | |
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AZUMI (dir: Ryuhei Kitamura, Not Rated) – In feudal Japan, an orphan girl is raised to be an unstoppable killing machine. |
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BEAUTY ACADEMY OF KABUL (dir: Liz Mermin, Not Rated) – In post-Taliban Afghanistan, a group of women learn about mascara and perms in this strangely uplifting documentary. |
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BROOKLYN LOBSTER (dir: Kevin Jordan, R) – Danny Aiello and Jane Curtain run into problems with the family restaurant when their financial backer folds. Their son, who’s been pursuing a career in the tech world, reluctantly returns home to help. | |
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THE CELESTINE PROPHECY (dir: Armand Mastroianni, PG) – Back before people had WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW? to satiate their vaguely spiritual yearnings, this claptrap had readers hooked. But why now? I’m personally holding out for IRON JOHN: THE MUSICAL. |
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CHECKING OUT (dir: Jeff Hare, PG-13) – Peter Falk surprises his children on his 90th birthday by announcing his plans to kill himself. That may sound gloomy but I’ve been assured this a life-affirming and comedic film about a man taking the ultimate control over his fate. And Judge Reinhold is in it! |
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DEATH AND TEXAS (dir: Kevin DiNovis, Not Rated) – While I don’t think the idea of a mockumentary about capital punishment starring Billy Ray Cyrus and Jello Biafra had ever entered my head, now that it exists I can’t imagine life without it. | |
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DREAMLAND (dir: Jason Matzner, PG-13) – Set in a trailer park in New Mexico, DREAMLAND is one of those indie movies working a little too hard to prove its quirkiness. The best we’ll say is it’s mostly inoffensive. And Gina Gershon is in it! |
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FEARLESS (dir: Ronny Yu, Unrated) – Jet Li’s last action movie! At least until he realizes the demand for his work in Busby Berkely-style musicals is extremely limited. |
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GABRIELLE (dir: Patrice Chéreau, Not Rated) – Isabelle Huppert shines in this period drama from Patrice Chereau, and its release is nicely timed to coincide with me finally forgiving her for MA MERE. | |
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*THE GREAT YOKAI WAR (dir: Takashi Miike, PG-13) – Ever wondered what it would be like if the director of AUDITION and ICHI THE KILLER tried to make a family adventure? No? What’s that? You just violently gagged a little bit? Oh, come on. Don’t be scared. It’s like LABYRINTH meets EL TOPO meets THE GOONIES. It’s a good thing. |
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INVINCIBLE (dir: Ericson Core, PG) –Marky “Please call me Mark Wahlberg, Greg” Mark teaches us about the importance of never giving up on our dreams with this football fairy-tale based on a true story - specially calibrated at the Disney factory to squeeze every emotion possible out of you, the trusting viewer. |
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LADY IN THE WATER (dir: M. Night Shyamalan, PG-13) – I hate the term “jump the shark.” I cringe every time I come across it in the mass media. But if I were going to use that term, if a gun was pointed at my head and I had no choice, I would use it to describe the career of M. Night Shyamalan. | |
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LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (dir: Jonathan Dayton / Valerie Faris, R) – Everybody in the world loves this movie except Bart. Does the problem lie with Bart or with the movie? Discuss. |
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MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND (dir: Ivan Reitman, PG-13) – Although GHOSTBUSTERS was twenty years ago, Ivan Reitman will always have that going for him. Which is my way of trying to take the focus off this absolute flop - one of the biggest duds of the year. And I think it’s time for Uma Thurman to text-message Quentin Tarantino and see if he can dig her career out of the garbage again. |
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NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS! (dir: William Heins, Unrated) – I really respect Paris Hilton as a singer, but I think her heart belongs to acting. Welcome home, princess. | |
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^A SCANNER DARKLY (dir: Richard Linklater, R) – Richard Linklater further explores the cool roto-scoping animation he used in WAKING LIFE, this time to adapt the novel by Philip K. Dick. With Keanu Reeves and the trio most likely to violate their probation, Robert Downey Jr., Winona Ryder and Woody Harrelson. |
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SIR! NO SIR! (dir: David Zeiger, Not Rated) – This documentary takes a look at the soldiers who were influential in forcing the U.S. government to end the Vietnam War. Which probably has some sort of parallel to our current situation. Which I’m sure will be pointed out to us. |
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STEP UP (dir: Anne Fletcher, PG-13) – Young people! Dancing! That’s about it! For 103 minutes! | |
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THE WICKER MAN (dir: Neil LaBute, PG-13) – Nicolas Cage would’ve probably been better off if he stayed buried in the rubble at the end of WORLD TRADE CENTER rather than star in this monumentally unneeded remake of the classic British chiller. Britt Ekland’s mad. I’m mad. This is the last frickin’ straw, Cage! | |||||
| * = Greg's pick of the week ^ = Bart's pick of the week | ||||||