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click
here for the previous week's New Movies
click
here for 2008 OVERVIEW!
NEW
MOVIES! AUGUST 19 - AUGUST 25, 2008
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AFFINITY (dir: Tim
Fywell, Not Rated) – The creator of TIPPING THE VELVET and FINGERSMITH serves up more period piece
g.o.g.a. with this story of a Victorian era ladies’ prison. |
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AN AMERICAN CRIME (dir: Tommy
O'Haver, R) – Catherine Keener and Ellen
Page star in this yucky true story of a woman who kept a teenage girl prisoner in her Indiana basement in the 1960s. |
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CAMP ROCK (dir: Matthew Diamond, Not Rated) – Kurt says, “Disney’s done it
again: nothing. Have you had dreams of being a rock star? Well, now it’s a nightmare because of this stinker. Pee
Eww! Disney is so self-involved and narrow-minded you’ll never see anyone act in one of their movies that hasn’t been a part of the Disney family since they were two years old. You think gas prices are outrageous, why don’t you look up how much these tweens make per crappy movie. New title for
film: CAMP SUCK! I don’t care if you’re not even born yet, this movie is for NOBODY! Why don’t you just go watch a Miramax film and cry into your weeping towel while your stupid wife does all your dishes and your kids still hate you. I mean can you imagine if Walt’s frozen body was finally revived? He’d be
p.o.’ed.” |
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CHRONICLE OF AN ESCAPE (dir: Adrian
Caetano, R) – Goaltending for an Argentinean soccer team in 1977 was really cool. Being imprisoned and mercilessly tortured by the military-backed government was not cool. Plotting and executing a cool escape with your prison buddies was totally cool! |
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^DAYS AND CLOUDS (dir: Silvio
Soldini, Not Rated) – The director of BREAD AND TULIPS serves up this drama that snagged 15 David Di Donatello Award nominations. It’s about a family’s financial collapse and the wicked severe repercussions that go along with that. Nice one, Film Movement. |
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DEAL (dir: Gil Cates Jr., PG-13) – Burt Reynolds is like a fine wine. The older he gets, the more he ferments. Anyway, check out his ‘stache. It’s looking
sweeeeeet. |
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FRESHMAN ORIENTATION (dir: Ryan
Shiraki, R) – This is sort of like CAMP ROCK with more gratuitous nudity. All of the same rules apply though. |
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HER BEST MOVE (dir: Norm Hunter, G) – A teenage girl must choose between soccer and studies in this family comedy. But why should she have to choose? Young ladies, never forget that you CAN have it all. |
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THE LIFE BEFORE HER EYES (dir: Vadim
Perelman, R) – Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood play the same person at different points in her life. Have you ever seen that music video where Evan Rachel Wood makes out with Marilyn Manson while blood rains on them? It’s unsettling. |
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LOVE AND MARY (dir: Elizabeth Harrison, PG-13) – Kurt says, “If you like your rom-coms far-fetched then you’ll hate this movie. It’s so real it’s like a documentary without the real people. This movie came out five years ago and has just now been unreleased. Put this at the top of your Bart & Greg’s queue. BOOM! LADYBUGS!” |
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MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY (dir: Bharat
Nalluri, PG-13) – Kurt says, “This movie is nothing like FARGO. Except that it’s totally FAKE! Winning the award for MOST UNREALISTIC MOVIE, this movie is a stinker. ‘A delightful champagne cocktail of a comedy!’ Yeah, right! I’d rather make a movie that never ends. DYNAMITE.” |
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THE PACIFIC AND EDDY (dir: Matthew
Nourse, Not Rated) Kurt says, “If you like hipsters and popular things on the internet then you’re just like half of the kids running around this town. Why don’t you just move to the west coast and take this stupid independent movie with you.” |
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PLEASURE FACTORY (dir: Ekachai
Uekrongtham, Unrated) – Kurt says, “Be sure to take this box into the B and G’s bathroom with you. You might even find the HUSTLER WHITE box in there. CREEP-O!!” |
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PROM NIGHT (dir: Nelson McCormick,
Unrated) – THE FOG? HALLOWEEN? PROM NIGHT? Where’s the TERROR TRAIN remake? We can rewrite history so Jamie Lee Curtis never existed at all. |
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QUID PRO QUO (dir: Carlos Brooks, R) – It’s CRASH with wheelchairs! The 1996 David Cronenberg CRASH. Not that overrated Oscar-baiting Brendan Fraser/Sandra Bullock
rom-com. |
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*RECOUNT (dir: Jay Roach, Not Rated) – Do you enjoy being depressed? Do you want to watch the unraveling of your democracy in horrifyingly grim detail? I did. And it was fantastic. Especially Laura Dern as that Katherine Harris monster. Throw her an Emmy! |
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THE RIDDLE (dir: Brendan Foley, PG-13) – Vinnie “Hard Man” Jones, one of England’s most notorious footballers and best actors, plays a journalist trying to solve some murders. Which is ironic, because I’m pretty sure he’s illiterate. |
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STREET KINGS (dir: David Ayer, R) – Keanu Reeves tackles police corruption in Los Angeles. Police corruption in Los Angeles is officially not too worried. |
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WITHOUT THE KING (dir: Michael
Skolnik, Not Rated) – The best thing about being the king of Swaziland? You get thirteen wives. The worst? Your country has the highest rate of HIV infection in the world. |
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THE WIZARD OF GORE (dir: Jeremy
Kasten, Unrated) – Bijou Phillips! Crispin Glover! Say no more, my little straight-to-DVD horror movie friend. |
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= GREG's
pick of the week! ^ =
Bart's pick of the week! |
