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click
here for the previous week's New Movies
click
here for 2009 OVERVIEW!
NEW
MOVIES! OCTOBER 20 - OCTOBER 26, 2009
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BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE (dir: Chris
Nahon, R) – The popular anime series gets a
live action reboot in this blood-drenched saga that mixes KILL BILL style action with gruesome vampire mythology. Nerds everywhere are changing into clean pants right now. |
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CAPTURING REALITY: THE ART OF DOCUMENTARY (dir: Pepita Ferrari, Not Rated) – That strange humming you hear is the sound of the universe imploding in on itself because someone finally had the nards to make a documentary about documentaries. |
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^CHERI (dir: Stephen
Frears, R) – Did you know they had cougars in olden times? And when I say cougar, I’m obviously not referring to large cats. Those have been around since the aliens brought them here in their space ark. I’m referring to sexy older ladies. Like Michelle Pfeiffer. Who stars in this movie. As a cougar. But again, not the feline variety. Although she did once play Catwoman so that adds an element of confusion. Suffice it to say, Michelle Pfeiffer is still smokin’ hot and on the prowl for lovemaking. |
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THE CREW (dir: Adrian
Vitoria, R) – Some British scumbags steal some stuff from some other British scumbags in this Guy
Ritchie-ish crime film that works really hard to not come off as Guy
Ritchie-ish. |
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THE ELEPHANT KING (dir: Seth Grossman, R) – Ellen Burstyn sends her good son to Thailand to drag back her fugitive loser son but then the good son gets to Thailand and realizes that Thailand is totally sweet and his brother is living the dream and why would you ever leave Thailand and all Ellen Burstyn is going to get is a postcard that says “Suck it, Mom.” |
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FOR MY FATHER (dir: Dror
Zahavi, Not Rated) – A young Palestinian suicide bomber gets a new lease on life when the fuse on his bomb fizzles out. But if you can’t even succeed at being suicidal, what options do you have
left? What a loser. He should just kill himself, if he didn’t suck at killing himself so much. Whatever, Film Movement. |
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HOW TO BE A SERIAL KILLER (dir: Luke Ricci, R) – In this dark comedy which probably would like to pretend that MAN BITES DOG never existed, a charming killer teaches his trade to an enthusiastic protégé. |
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THE L WORD: SEASON 6 (dir: Ilene
Chaiken, Not Rated) – It’s a sad day for the lesbians and pervy middle-aged guys that like to watch lesbians as the final episodes of THE L WORD are upon us. |
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THE LAST HOMECOMING (dir: Korinna
Avraamidou, Not Rated) – A Greek family in 1974 spend their summer in a beautiful seaside town on Cyprus and get caught up in the Turkish invasion. |
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THE LISTENING PROJECT (dir: Dominic Howes / Joel Weber, Not Rated) – The makers of this documentary went to 15 countries asking people what they think of America. The answers may surprise you, but I think most of America’s reaction would be, “Who cares? Suck it, The World!” |
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LOVE N' DANCING (dir: Robert
Iscove, PG-13) – The painful, horrific title of this film taps into a primal fury that I didn’t realize I possessed. But Arizona Weekly Entertainment Magazine gave it a glowing review. And those guys are usually spot on. |
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NATIONAL LAMPOON PRESENTS ENDLESS BUMMER (dir: Sam Pillsbury, R) – Catch Matthew Lillard while you can before he, in a brutal moment of clarity, realizes he’s a total has-been who nobody ever really liked anyway and takes the initiative to paint the living room wall of the rented mansion he can longer afford with his brains. Too harsh? I dare you to rent WING COMMANDER and sit through it completely. |
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P (dir: Paul
Spurrier, Not Rated) – A beautiful young Thai orphan heads off for the green pastures of Bangkok but quickly realizes those green pastures are paved with the bodily fluids of sex tourists. |
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*THEY KILLED SISTER DOROTHY (dir: Daniel
Junge, Not Rated) – When a 73-year-old Catholic nun from Ohio was gunned down deep in the Amazonian jungle, the killers probably thought that nobody would miss her. Wrong! Martin Sheen narrates this doc about the struggle to bring her killers, and the people pulling the strings, to justice. |
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TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (dir: Michael Bay, PG-13) – Do you like loud and shiny things? I do, too. Sometimes. But when you spend 3 hours watching one CGI thing fight another CGI thing, you’re basically a toddler without an imagination. Really, you’re better than this. I believe in you. |
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WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD (dir: Declan O'Brien,
Unrated) – The great thing about horror films is that as long as there are inbred hillbillies lusting for teenage blood, there will always be stupid teenagers that are really bad with directions. |
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= GREG's
pick of the week! ^ = Bart's
pick of the week! |