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here for the previous week's New Movies
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here for 2010 OVERVIEW!
NEW
MOVIES! FEBRUARY 2 - FEBRUARY 8, 2010
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AMELIA (dir: Mira
Nair, PG) – Hilary Swank stars as Amelia Earhart: super-cool, right? Wrong. AMELIA is, instead, a super-forgettable film that could and should have been wonderfully exciting. Have I seen it yet? No. Can you blame Richard Gere for its failure? My bet: only partially. |
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COLD SOULS (dir: Sophie
Barthes, PG-13) – Okay. We got Paul Giamatti (SIDEWAYS, AMERICAN SPLENDOR), David Strathairn (GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK), Emily Watson (ah! BREAKING THE WAVES), a Chekhov play, soul storing, and a hyperbolic rave from Rolling Stone Magazine’s Peter Travers. So, an unmanageably quirky film with some sort of existential crisis and great, underrated actors. All signs point to a total Charlie Kaufman rip-off. I’ll probably love this movie. |
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THE DONNER PARTY (dir:
T.J. Martin, R) – Crispin Glover in a movie about cannibalism. Saw it coming. |
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FIREBALL (dir: Thanakorn
Pongsuwan, R) – “Basketball as an Underground Blood Sport”?! I bet this is the coolest movie EVER (for about 20 minutes)! |
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FUEL (dir: Oktay
Ortabasi, Not Rated) – What movie has a small, dead-end town with a very nice girl who gets mixed-up with a fairly-nice boy who makes a discovery? A certain person has very strong reactions to a chemical vapor which causes him to become crazy and violent? Did you guess BLUE VELVET?!? Nah, it’s some movie about running or something. |
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GIVE 'EM HELL MALONE (dir: Russell
Mulcahy, Not Rated) – Ving Rhames stars in a movie that appears to be SIN CITY without the CG and in color. There’s even a cute little Asian girl with a katana and a guy with a mutated face. This time the face is red, though. So if you saw SIN CITY – which had the guy with the mutated yellow face – don’t worry. This guy’s mutated face is red. |
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THE HIP HOP PROJECT (dir: Matt Ruskin, PG-13) – Who knew Bruce Willis was such a big sweetie pie? He donated a recording studio to a group of inner city teens so they could rap. Still won’t make up for his entire career since MOONLIGHTING. |
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*THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL (dir: Ti West, R) – Loving homage to early eighties horror films with more substance that you would expect. |
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IN A DAY (dir: Evan Richards, Not Rated) – I literally fell asleep just reading the back of this DVD case. No subtitles, though, so you’ve got a fighting chance. It’s got Rose Keegan, the girl you don’t remember from MATCH POINT. |
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LOVE HAPPENS (dir: Brandon Camp, PG-13) – I’m starting to have hope for Jennifer
Aniston. It’s obvious that she can’t do ANYTHING other than romantic comedies that suck. Maybe she’ll take a Chekovian turn in her late
60s and the world will finally see a senior-citizen Chekovian romantic comedy starring a saucy, seasoned Jennifer
Aniston. I might actually watch that, right? |
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MANCORA (dir: Ricardo de
Montreuil, R) – Some dude’s dad kills himself so he goes to a beach in north Peru. Before he leaves, though, his stepsister and her husband come for an unexpected visit. I bet they’re going to want to chill on said beach. Leave him alone, his dad just killed himself. Bummer. |
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MORE THAN A GAME (dir: Kristopher
Belman, PG) – Watch LeBron James and some other dudes playing basketball while they were still in high school. Told you those calculus classes wouldn't ever matter in the real world. |
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NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU (dir: Fatih Akin / Mira Nair / Natalie
Portman, etc., R) – A bunch of fancy-pants
directors came together to ruin Paris for you with PARIS JE T'AIME.
Now they're out to ruin New York. At least Scarlett Johansson's black & white
directorial debut starring Kevin Bacon was cut from the film (see it
in the special features!), so it means somebody was doing some
quality control on this one. |
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ONG BAK 2: THE BEGINNING (dir: Tony Jaa / Panna
Rittikrai, R) – Like ONG BAK? That's cool. Tony Jaa, right? Sweet. ONG BAK 2 is out. Killer. That's right, he is one! <laugh track> |
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PLANET HULK (dir: Sam Liu, Not Rated) – Oh, I get it! The Incredible Hulk is a metaphor! Alright, so he goes to some crazy planet and is sold into slavery. He forms a bond … with his fellow gladiators and … umm … he probably … overcomes… Nah, it’s just cartoon involving an atomic green dude being a gladiator in space. No moral value here, folks. |
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PRETTY UGLY PEOPLE (dir: Tate Taylor, R) – Some fat people go hiking and get angry with the results. Oh, and the person who organizes it is skinny now. Go figure. |
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SHANK (dir: Simon Pearce,
Unrated) – Alright you pervs - I'm not even going to try to sugar-coat it. It's gonna be hot. It's gonna be real hot. It's called SHANK, so expect some hot violence. But it's ok. We're in this together. No pants allowed. |
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TRIANGLE (dir: Christopher Smith, R) – Stupid rich people drive their stupid rich yacht into the stupid Bermuda Triangle. Because the Bermuda Triangle IS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE, their stupid yacht sinks and they have to take refuge on an “abandoned” ocean liner “coincidentally” passing by. Oh wait, someone’s on the boat. And they don’t like stupid rich people who drive their stupid rich yachts into the Bermuda Triangle. Sucks to be you, stupid rich people. |
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UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION (dir: John
Hyams, R) – Jean-Claude Van Damme, hot off the amazing JCVD (he cries!) returns to his comfort zone – manhandling Dolph Lundgren. |
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WORLDS APART (dir: Niels Arden
Oplev, Not Rated) – This movie is basically ROMEO AND JULIET but Juliet is named Sara and Sara is a Jehovah's Witness. |
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WUSHU (dir: Antony
Szeto, PG-13) – Does anyone really need to explain a martial arts movie? Jackie Chan presents this one. There’s a guy on the front who seems to be performing a jump-kick while flying through rain.
You're either into that kind of stuff or you're not. |
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^ZOMBIELAND (dir: Ruben
Fleischer, R) – This is basically a righteous, American answer to the awesome SHAUN OF THE DEAD. I don’t know how much more praise I can give a film. |
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= GREG's pick of the week! ^ = Bart's
pick of the week! |
