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click
here for the previous week's New Movies
click
here for 2010 OVERVIEW!
NEW
MOVIES! MAY 18 - MAY 24, 2010
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THE AMAZING TRUTH ABOUT QUEEN RAQUELA (dir: Olaf de Fleur
Johannesson, R) – Awww
man… ANOTHER movie about a Filipino transsexual prostitute moving to Paris to achieve internet porn fame while trying to find the man of her dreams? This is worse than the vampire craze. |
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ART & COPY
(dir: Doug Pray, Not Rated) – Some
MAD MEN fan decided to make a documentary about the geniuses who revolutionized advertising. Bet none of them are as sexy as Don Draper. |
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THE END OF POVERTY? (dir: Philippe Diaz, Not Rated) – Ever have
one of those days where nothing can touch you? When you feel like you’re on top of the world and are happier than you’ve ever been? Philippe Diaz, luckily, has created this documentary on poverty to take you down a notch. |
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EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES (dir: Tom Vaughan, PG) – Gee! What mismatched partner is Harrison Ford going to have this time?! Oh, a puffy, pilled-out-looking Brendan Fraser? Presented as “As Inspirational and Uplifting as THE BLIND SIDE”? Guess this one is for you,
irony-hating believer in sincere emotion. |
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INVICTUS (dir: Clint Eastwood, PG-13) – Jason Bourne (protagonist of the BOURNE IDENTITY) and the guy that taught Angelina Jolie to curve bullets in WANTED team up to show South Africa that the only people that can portray anything emotionally uplifting are American actors. Tune in to NPR to figure out how you should feel about this. |
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^THE MESSENGER (dir: Oren
Moverman, R) – Ben Foster (3:10 TO YUMA) stars as Staff Sergeant Will Montgomery, a recent returnee from Iraq who is now faced with the job of informing the families of deceased soldiers. Montgomery becomes involved with the wife of a recently fallen soldier and somehow Woody Harrelson walks away with a Best Supporting Actor nomination. And they say stoners just sit on couches all day eating
Cheetos. |
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THE NEW DAUGHTER (dir: Luis
Berdejo, PG-13) – Even the girl from PAN’S LABRYNTH couldn’t get Kevin Costner’s newest bomb a quote on the DVD box. If I didn’t despise Kevin Costner, I’d be a little upset. As it stands, why did Kevin Costner have to drag the PAN’S LABRYNTH girl (I guess her name is Ivana Baquero…from PAN’S
LABYRNTH) down to his straight-to-DVD level? |
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9
TO 5: DAYS IN PORN (dir: Jens Hoffmann, Unrated) – Want to rent an adult movie but don’t have the guts? Pretend you actually want to know what goes on behind the scenes of all those floppy na-na’s and say to your friendly Bart & Greg’s employee, “I would like to rent this documentary film please.” |
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NORTH FACE (dir: Philipp
Stolzl, Not Rated) – No one has survived - let alone successfully climbed - the North Face of
Eiger. Two young climbers are persuaded to attempt this “Murder Wall” by a childhood friend and soon must fight not only for their pride, but also for their lives. Oh, and they’re Nazis. [singing] Nazi climbers! Can they do it? Can they live through it? Nazi climbers! No one’s climbed
Eiger! [instrumental break then chorus] NORTH FACE! (Do it for the Fatherland!) |
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ONLY WHEN I DANCE (dir: Beadie
Finzi, Not Rated) – Rio de Janeiro, the ballet capital of the world, churns out the Brazilian reply to FAME. And by reply to FAME, I mean that Film Movement released this film and it’s a documentary. |
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POLIWOOD (dir: Barry Levinson, Not Rated) – If you care what Sting and The Black Eyed Peas have to say about politics, check out this Barry Levinson (RAIN MAN, WAG THE DOG) doc about Hollywood and politics. There are a bunch more famous people on here, but I’m not going to list them; I thought Matthew McConaughey was on the cover, but it turns out it’s some look-alike and I’m too depressed to talk about people that aren’t Matthew
McConaughey. |
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SELF+MEDICATED (dir: Monty
Lapica, R) – Teenager on drugs. Picture of him walking on a huge razor blade on the cover. Forced to go to an abusive adolescent hospital. Based on true events. Romantic comedy. Actually, no, it looks pretty chilling - Gotcha! |
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THE SPY NEXT DOOR (dir: Brian Levant, PG) – Man, Jackie Chan is way too adorable to make fun of for making this gross, sell-out babysitter/spy movie. Luckily, Billy Ray Cyrus is in this movie, so I’ll just make fun of him. |
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TEN9EIGHT: SHOOT FOR THE MOON (dir: Mary
Mazzio, Not Rated) – In this documentary, teens from low income communities like Harlem and Compton take part in a yearly business plan competition and, in the process, pave the way for a future they didn’t think possible. Even I can’t make fun of that. |
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VALENTINE'S DAY (dir: Garry Marshall, PG-13) – In the cast list on the cover, the boys' names are in BLUE and the girls' names are in PINK. For added ease, everything else about this film solidifies gender-roles as well. |
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#WE LIVE IN PUBLIC (dir: Ondi
Timoner, Not Rated) – Ten years and five thousand hours of footage have culminated in this: terror. MySpace,
Facebook, Twitter, living in an underground bunker in NYC with one hundred people for thirty days while constantly being videotaped – sound familiar? Internet pioneer Josh Harris went to extremes to show the effect that living in public has had on our social and mental stability while Ondi Timoner (DIG!) taped him while Harris was taping himself so now we have a documentary about it. Meta! |
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= THOM's PICK OF THE week! ^ = Bart's
pick of the week! |