AGENT CODY BANKS (dir: Harald Zwart, PG) – Tweens will go nuts for Frankie Muniz and Hilary Duff’s new spy comedy. Not only does this flick reputedly boast the best skateboard chase scene ever caught on film, it also contains a special feature where Hilary offers girls makeup advice. I’m glad someone’s looking out for the kids.

ALEX & EMMA (dir: Rob Reiner, PG-13) - Kate Hudson and Luke Wilson, two thoroughly likeable actors, somehow got stuck in this flat soufflé of romantic-comedy drivel. Helmed by the man responsible for WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, possibly the only good movie that genre has ever spawned, it's understandable that perhaps they didn't know what they were getting into. But whatever personal stylist convinced Ms. Hudson to dye her hair the mousiest shade of brown I've ever seen should be fired.

ALIAS, THE COMPLETE 1ST SEASON (dir: Jeffrey Abrams, NR) - Jennifer Garner stars in this cult TV series as super-agent Sydney Bristow, whose main undercover technique seems to be wearing the skimpiest outfit possible and pouting.

ALIAS, THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON (dir: Jeffrey Abrams, Not Rated) - It's too bad Jennifer Garner left FELICITY for this show, but I guess she gets to wear all sorts of hot outfits and be an international double agent. If last season got too Dad-oriented for you, this season focuses on Sydney's mom, who starts things out right by turning herself over to the CIA. Okay, does this sound like everyone else's Christmas day, or is it just my family?

ALL ABOUT LILY CHOU-CHOU (dir: Shunji Iwai, Not Rated) - This fascinating Japanese film explores what happens to young people when chatrooms and cell phones replace human interaction, and apathy replaces compassion. Yuichi is a teenager obsessed with a pop star who may or may not exist solely on the Internet. As his need for Lily Chou-Chou grows, so does his detachment from real life. The haunting picture painted by this film is hopefully an exaggeration and not the foreshadowing of a cold, robotic future.

ALL I WANT (dir: Jeffrey Porter, R) - This romantic comedy stars Elijah Wood, Franka Potente and Mandy Moore as neighbors in a wacky apartment building. The low-key tone serves this film well. If you're in the mood for a small comedy with no frills, just winning performances, this is all you want.

ALL THE QUEEN'S MEN (dir: Stefan Ruzowitsky, PG-13) - Joey from FRIENDS plays an American soldier who leads a British team of special forces in an undercover mission to steal a German Enigma code machine. The catch is that they have to don drag to infiltrate the all-woman factory that makes it. Hilarity, presumably, ensues.

ALL THE REAL GIRLS (dir: David Gordon Green, R) - David Gordon Green is one of the freshest voices to emerge in indie filmmaking in years, and his follow up to GEORGE WASHINGTON gracefully avoids the sophomore slump. Filled with symphonic beauty and a gorgeous quietude reminiscent of Terrence Malick, ALL THE REAL GIRLS is as magical an exploration of first love as any committed to celluloid.

AMANDLA! (dir: Lee Hirsch, PG-13) - Taking its title from an African word meaning "power", AMANDLA! is a documentary that explores the role music played in sustaining Black South Africans through years of Apartheid. Genuinely soul-stirring.

AMEN. (dir: Costa-Gavras, NR) – Legendary political instigator Costa-Gavras takes on The Vatican’s ambivalence during The Holocaust in this indictment of man’s inhumanity to man.

ANATOMY 2 (dir: Stefan Ruzowitzky, R) - This sequel to the cult German horror film again finds Franka Potente from RUN LOLA RUN trying to stop unsavory happenings at a Berlin hospital. She uncovers a secret society of doctors that have been carrying out grisly experiments under the guise of medical research, but for the true purpose of gaining power and money. The first ANATOMY was a well-acted creepfest styled after an American horror film but also retaining the edge and subtlety of a European film.

ANGER MANAGEMENT (dir: Peter Segal, PG-13) - On paper, a comedy starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson must have seemed like a sure thing. Perhaps thinking that the duo's natural manic riffing off of each other would be enough to carry the film, the writers stepped back and waited for the sparks to fly. Unfortunately, someone should have been steering this ship before it grounded itself. This film proves that no matter how charismatic the performers, you need writing to hold everything together.

ANNA NICOLE SHOW, THE: SEASON 1 (dir: Anna Nicole Smith, NR) - If you derive pleasure from kicking puppies, making fun of blind people and feeling superior to tranquilized former Playmates, you'll love THE ANNA NICOLE SHOW. That being said, this is my favorite TV show of all time.

ANNE B. REAL (dir: Lisa France, PG-13) - Have you been lying awake at night awaiting the day when someone would make a female 8 MILE? Neither have I.

ANYTHING ELSE (dir: Woody Allen, R) - Hey Woody, it's Greg. I just wanted to remind you what happens when certain artists in decline are reluctant to bow out gracefully. You not only tarnish your good name and become a joke at cocktail parties but you also run the risk of making it hard to enjoy your previous triumphs. The best thing for everyone, mostly us the viewer, is to retire now before it's too late. Remember what happened to Francis Ford Coppola.

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE: VOLUME 1 (dir: Matt Maiellaro / Dave Willis, NR) - Join Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad for this highly enjoyable series from Cartoon Network. It may or may not contain Will Ferrell guest-starring as a Mooninite. Genius.

ASSASSINATION TANGO (dir: Robert Duvall, R) - Robert Duvall wrote, directed and stared in this exotic thriller set in Argentina. Sent to Buenos Aires for one last assignment, a hit man becomes intrigued by the city's nightlife and a saucy young tango dancer. As his judgment becomes clouded, he discovers he may be on the receiving end of a lethal conspiracy.

AUTUMN SPRING (dir: Vladimir Michalek, PG-13) - Vlastimil Brodsky, The Czech Republic's greatest star, stars as a man who, in the autumn of his life, refuses to grow up. His bewildered wife can't understand his antics but eventually acquiesces to his youthful mentality. This heartwarming story proves that you're never too old to have fun.

AVENGING ANGELO (dir: Martyn Burke, R) - Sylvester Stallone's career trajectory continues its long downward spiral with this straight-to-video thriller. He plays a bodyguard hired to protect Madeline Stowe from all that would do her harm. I think making straight-to-video thrillers with Sylvester Stallone is harmful enough.

BACKYARD, THE (dir: Paul Hough, Not Rated) - This documentary follows two brothers from Nevada as they pursue their dream of becoming professional extreme wrestlers. Although graphic and disturbing, these nimrods' exploits drift into serious mockumentary territory.

BAD BOYS 2 (dir: Michael Bay, R) - The makers of BAD BOYS 2 spent over $150 million to make the movie and, no doubt, that's a huge waste of cash. However, there is more stuff blown up in this movie than in any I can remember. So at least we all get our money's worth.

BARBIE OF SWAN LAKE (dir: Owen Hurley, NR) - I think if the evil wizard Rothbart turned me into a swan I'd really enjoy it. I'd fly around and make annoying honking noises and try to bite people when they fed me pieces of bread. So what's Barbie's problem?

BARK (dir: Kasia Adamik, R) - Okay, here's the plot of BARK: A man must seek various forms of help for his wife when she starts believing she is a dog. I kid you not.

BARTLEBY (dir: Jonathan Parker, PG-13) - Crispin Glover turns his weird-o-meter up to 11 in this adaptation of the Herman Melville short story. David Paymer co-stars in what critics have called a cross between OFFICE SPACE and BEING THERE.

BASIC (dir: John McTiernan, R) - When a military mishap leaves several soldiers dead, John Travolta is sent in to piece together what happened. The scenario is recounted from varying points of view, RASHOMON-style. Whether or not this thriller deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as that film is another matter. With a supporting cast that includes Samuel Jackson, Connie Nielsen, Taye Diggs, Giovani Ribisi and Harry Connick Jr., it's certainly worth a look.

BATHERS, THE (dir: Viviane Candas, NR) - Set in the lurid underworld of Parisian strip clubs, THE BATHERS aims to be the CITIZEN KANE of lap-dancing films. As we all know, SHOWGIRLS has an ironclad grip on that title.

BATMAN: OUT OF THE SHADOWS (dir: Bruce Timm, NR) - Why can't Batman get over his parents being killed and seek therapy? Hasn't it been, like, over fifty years now? The loneliest, richest bachelor with the coolest gadgets, vehicles, and a penchant for young boys in tights returns - in cartoon form. This time, Batman's coming out of the closet - uh - shadows. Hold onto your Cher tickets.

BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS, THE (dir: Kyle Rankin / Efram Potelle, PG-13) - Local boys make good! Portland, ME filmmakers Rankin & Potelle were chosen to direct Ben Affleck & Matt Damon's second PROJECT GREENLIGHT film, and here's the result. Rising star Shia LaBoeouf (of HOLES and CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE) plays a kid who leads neighborhood reenactments of WWII battles. Metaphorical lessons are learned.

BEEF (dir: Peter Spirer, NR) - This documentary follows some of hip-hop's biggest rivalries as they explode into fisticuffs and worse. I've always thought hip-hop was far too negative. Where are the rappers with nice things to say? If I were a rapper, I'd endear myself to all the other rappers with rhymes such as: I think you're nice/ I think you're kind/ The slacks you're wearing really compliment your waistline.

BELLY OF THE BEAST (dir: Ching Siu Tung, R) - Ponytail sporting senior citizen Steven Seagal returns to his baddie-bashing ways when his daughter is kidnapped in Thailand. As the box declares, he's never been one to play by the rules and this time... there are no rules!  

BEN STILLER SHOW, THE (dir: Ben Stiller, NR) - Originally airing in 1992, THE BEN STILLER SHOW was an irreverent breath of fresh air to network television. Unfortunately, it only aired for one season. Although some of the material being made fun of (BEVERLY HILLS 90210, grunge, Bono) might seem a little dated now, there are still many laughs to be had. This was also an amazing breeding ground for talent. In addition to Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Andy Dick, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross all got their start here.

BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (dir: Gurinder Chadha, PG-13) - Was this movie designed to make all the girls who don't like sports and enjoy being in arranged marriages feel bad about themselves? Because that's what it feels like.

BETTER LUCK TOMORROW (dir: Justin Lin, R) - This emotionally charged cautionary tale explores why a group of well-to-do Asian-American teenagers in Southern California turn to crime. Is it boredom, distracted parents or just a need for constant visceral sensation? Whatever the reason, the lesson learned is sobering. Crime is totally awesome.

BETTER THAN SEX (dir: Jonathan Teplitzky, R) - What happens when a one-night stand won't end? Two young lovers find that they can't break away from one another as easily as they planned in this sexy Australian romance.

BETWEEN YOUR LEGS (dir: Manuel Gomez Pereira, NR) - Sexy Spanish superstars Javier Bardem and Victoria Abril star in this sex-soaked tale of a sex addict who falls in lust with a woman who also really likes sex. If I had to sum it up in one word: sexy.

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY (dir: Maria von Heland, R) - From Germany comes this harrowing look at the secret lives of teenagers. Director Maria von Heland fully captures the tumultuous nature of being young and out of control.

BIKINI BANDITS EXPERIENCE (dir: Steve Grasse, NR) - Q: Is there anything sadder than someone desperately trying to make a cult film? A: Nope.

BIONICLE: MASK OF LIGHT (dir: David Molina / Terry Shakespeare, PG) - I remember when Legos were a lot less complicated. 

BLIND SPOT: HITLER'S SECRETARY (dir: Andre Heller / Othmar Schmiderer, PG) - This fascinating documentary chronicles the experiences of Traudl Junge, the young woman who was Adolf Hitler's personal secretary until his demise. Shielded from the atrocities of the century's top madman, she viewed Hitler as a father figure. Composed of interviews conducted nearly until Junge's death, this is an intimate portrait of a person emotionally fractured by the truth of the horror in which she was so closely involved. Powerful.

BLUE CAR (dir: Karen Moncrieff, R) - This brave little indie about a girl with a troubled home life who turns to a fatherly teacher for support treads familiar territory, but contains such strong performances from David Strathairn and newcomer Agnes Bruckner that you hardly notice.

BOAT TRIP (dir: Mort Nathan, UR) - OhMyGod. Words cannot describe the experience that is sitting through BOAT TRIP. If I were to compare it to GIGLI, I would then be compelled to send Ben and J. Lo an apology note. This is not only being shortlisted as the worst movie in existence, it's also quite a big evolutionary leap backwards for the human race.

BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE (dir: Michael Moore, R) - This film should be a mandatory viewing experience for all Americans. Whatever your political affiliation, this rousing and entertaining documentary will illuminate the gray in issues you may have thought were simply black and white. Although he is guilty of being a shameless self-promoter, Michael Moore is a person who does not subdue his conscience. And if that doesn't make a great American, what does?

BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE (dir: Adam Shankman, PG-13) – Steve Martin and Queen Latifah star in this comedy of racial manners that could have been a one-note sitcom but instead is a slightly nuanced and sweet celebration of diversity. Mr. Martin is, as always, reliably funny, but it’s Queen Latifah who steals the show and proves herself to be a deft comic actress with true star quality.

BRUCE ALMIGHTY (dir: Tom Shadyac, PG-13) - Here's Jim Carrey in crowd-pleasing mode, stretching his face and making creepy noises. Gone are the earnest platitudes of THE MAJESTIC. Our Jim knows who butters his bread and it's clearly the devoted army of 12-year-olds he's amassed over the years. At least he didn't do that awful DUMB AND DUMBER sequel.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: SEASON 5 (dir: Joss Whedon, Not Rated) - Buffy has a sister! In what was almost the final season of the series, the Scooby Gang alternates killing and romancing every demon in Sunnydale, while major cast members are done away with because we never liked them anyway.

BULLETPROOF MONK (dir: Paul Hunter, PG-13) - Chow Yun-Fat and the guy from DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? that's not dating Demi Moore star in this martial arts spectacle as teacher and pupil. There is loads of swordplay and anti-gravity fighting to keep fans of the genre happy.

BUSINESS OF FANCYDANCING, THE (dir: Sherman Alexie, NR) - The writer of SMOKE SIGNALS makes his directorial debut with this story of a young Native American man returning to the reservation he grew up on after many years.

CHAOS (dir: Coline Serreau, Not Rated) - Any movie that promises to mix THELMA & LOUISE with RUN LOLA RUN must have something going for it. A comic revenge fantasy with a dose of melodrama thrown in, CHAOS tells the story of a bourgeois housewife who ditches her crummy husband to help a prostitute give her pimp his comeuppance.

CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE (dir: McG, UR) - The thing that makes these CHARLIE'S ANGELS films work is the irrepressible sense of fun that Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Lui seem to be having. You get the feeling they would be laughingly karate chopping their way through a throng of bad guys even if they weren't being paid. Admittedly, losing Bill Murray was sad, but Bernie Mac is an excellent Bosley.

CHARLOTTE SOMETIMES (dir: Eric Byler, R) - This subtle, realistic love triangle was nominated for several Independent Spirit Awards and has been described as a breakthrough in Asian-American cinema.

CHASING PAPI (dir: Linda Mendoza, PG) - Papi is an advertising executive who has three fiancées in three cities. When the moron absentmindedly arranges for them all to be in the same place at once, all heck breaks loose. Hopefully, this movie doesn't intend to make us care whether or not the libidinous Papi is buried alive by these put-upon women.

CHATEAU, THE (dir: Jesse Peretz, R) - Two American brothers inherit a big house in France but try to sell it once they realize it's mired in debt. The servants who reside there revolt and attempt to sabotage every prospective sale. This largely improvised comedy makes great use of a standard culture-clash plot device, allowing oughtta-be mega-star Paul Rudd to turn in a hilarious performance.

CHICAGO (dir: Rob Marshall, PG-13) - Although Baz Luhrmann's MOULIN ROUGE! was really responsible for the resurrection of The Musical, it was far too unconventional for the masses. So along comes CHICAGO to get the credit and take home the Oscars. Though it's razzle-dazzle entertainment, the dance numbers lack zip and the whole production feels a bit forced. Should CHICAGO be honored for preserving classic Hollywood musical sensibilities? Sure. Was it the best film of 2002? Nope.

CHRISTMAS CAROL THE MOVIE (dir: Jimmy T Murkakami, PG) - Just in time for October comes the latest cartoon incarnation of Chuck Dickens' classic story, this time featuring the vocal stylings of Nicholas Cage, Rhys Ifans and Kate Winslet as Tiny Tim.

CHRONICALLY UNFEASIBLE (dir: Sergio Bianchi, NR) - From Brazil comes this insightful and socially conscious comedy that skewers the politics of race and class relations. Think of a Robert Altman film set in the lower hemisphere and you're on the right track.

CINEMANIA (dir: Angela Christlieb / Stephen Kijak, NR) - This documentary examines the semi-comic-semi-tragic existences of super film dorks. These are people who can't have jobs because it would interfere with their movie watching. Spending most of their time in a darkened theater, they sacrifice real human interaction for an idealized version of the world. This is escapism taken to demented extremes and it is very, very funny.

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL: VAREKAI (dir: Dominic Champagne, NR) - The legendarily flexible Canadian circus troupe is back with more cool costumes and mind-boggling acrobatics. But no animals.

CITY LOOP (dir: Belinda Chayko, NR) - This Australian comedy explores the lives and loves of six young people working at a pizza parlor. On a related note, Australia has the highest number of serial killers, per capita, of any country.

CITY OF GHOSTS (dir: Matt Dillon, R) - Matt Dillon is the latest actor to try on the director's cap, with this crime-thriller set in the exotic and dangerous underworld of Cambodia. A fine cast includes James Caan, Gerard Depardieu and Stellen Skarsgard, as well as Dillon.

CITY OF LOST SOULS (dir: Takashi Miike, R) - If you have yet to surrender to the cinematic treats of Japanese madman Takashi Miike, here's another chance. Following on the heels of DEAD OR ALIVE, HAPPINESS OF THE KATAKURIS, AUDITION and VISITOR Q, CITY OF LOST SOULS is a frenetic crime picture that stars Brazilian soccer star Teah as he tries to rescue his Chinese girlfriend from the Yakuza.

CKY4: THE LATEST & GREATEST (dir: Bam Margera, NR) - The JACKASS morons are back to prove that no one gets tired of puns involving people being hit in the crotch.

COMEDY OF INNOCENCE (dir: Raoul Ruiz, NR) - On his 9th birthday a boy tells his parents that he wants to return to his real "mother" and that his name is Paul, not Camille. At first they humor him, but as he proves himself serious the family is drawn into a mystery that could prove heartbreaking. Isabelle Huppert adds to her clutch of memorable roles with her portrayal of a mother that finds her world closing in on her. Recommended.

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND (dir: George Clooney, R) - George Clooney makes his directorial debut with this bio-pic of Chuck Barris, the host of The Gong Show and self-proclaimed CIA operative. Clooney pals Julia Roberts and Drew Barrymore turn up to lend support.

CONFIDENCE (dir: James Foley, R) - James Foley directed two of the best films of the 1990's, AFTER DARK, MY SWEET and GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS. So why is he still not regarded as one of Hollywood's top directors? It's probably because he also chose to direct Marky Mark in junk like THE CORRUPTER and FEAR. Fortunately for him, and us, he's back on classier turf with this twisty con-artist saga that features Dustin Hoffman's best performance in years.

CONFUSION OF GENDERS (dir: Ilan Duran Cohen, Not Rated) - Described by the Village Voice as "zingy and risqué", this is the story of a love triangle out of control. Pascal Greggory and Vincent Martinez star as two men fighting over the same guy and, perhaps, each other.

COOL AND THE CRAZY (dir: Ralph Bakshi, R) – Legendary director of animated classics such as HEAVY TRAFFIC and FRITZ THE CAT, Ralph Bakshi tries his hand at live action with this 1950’s set drama starring Alicia Silverstone and Jared “Jordan Catalano” Leto.

CORE, THE (dir: Jon Amiel, PG-13) - The goofy premise of this disaster flick makes DEEP IMPACT and ARMAGEDDON seem like episodes of NOVA. When the Earth's core stops spinning, a team of scientists must tunnel a giant locomotive-like vehicle down there and restart it with a huge nuclear explosion. If they fail, the world will be incinerated as the electromagnetic field that surrounds it collapses. Seriously.

COUPLING: SEASON 2 (dir: Martin Dennis, NR) - Now that COUPLING has been adapted into a terrible American sitcom, see the original terrible British sitcom!

CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE (dir: Andrzej Bartkowiak, R) – There are times in life when you need to take a moment and realize that, although many terrible things happen in the world every day, some really radical things happen too. Radical things like Jet Li and DMX deciding that the masses were not going to be satisfied with them only collaborating on ROMEO MUST DIE, and thus blessing us with all the bone-breaking, ATV racing joy that is CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE. Thank you Jet. Thank you X.

CRIME SPREE (dir: Brad Mirman, R) - At last, the first collaboration between Harvey Keitel and Gerard Depardieu! Along with international stars like Johnny Hallyday and Said Taghmaoui, they are a gang of criminals trying to outwit the mob and the police. Presumably, things do not go as planned.

CUCKOO, THE (dir: Alexander Rogozhkin, PG-13) - Near the end of World War 2, a Finn, a Russian and a Laplander are drawn together through unlikely circumstances, and form an even more unlikely bond. Although none of them understand what the others are saying, they live and work together while the war rages on. Discover why this charmer became a hit around the world.

DADDY DAY CARE (dir: Steve Carr, PG) - Eddie Murphy, you are no Michael Keaton. And DADDY DAY CARE is no MR. MOM. Now go away.

DANCER UPSTAIRS, THE (dir: John Malkovich, R) - Actor/Very Scary Person John Malkovich makes his directorial debut with this taut political thriller starring Spanish superstar Javier Bardem. The New York Post called it "intense" and we know they're not prone to exaggeration.

DAREDEVIL (dir: Mark Steven Johnson, PG-13) - J. Lo's boy-toy Ben Affleck gets to play superhero in this adaptation of the cult comic. Also starring Colin Farrell, David Keith and Joe Pantoliano, Roger Ebert commented, "I haven't seen this many guys in leather since that night in Amsterdam in '79."

DAWG (dir: Victoria Hochberg, R) - I think I'd rather watch BOAT TRIP again than sit through this dreary Denis Leary / Liz Hurley sex comedy.

DEBUT, THE (dir: Gene Cajayon, R) - This well-received indie dramedy addresses the particularities of the Filipino-American experience, in a sharply observed coming-of-age story. It stars Dante Basco, the bratty leader of the Lost Boys in HOOK, so how can you go wrong?

DECADE UNDER THE INFLUENCE, A (dir: Richard LaGravenese / Ted Demme, NR) - All manner of filmmakers get together for this documentary to talk about American films in the 1970's, considered by many to be the most important decade in film history. This is totally captivating stuff, filled to the gills with great anecdotes and insights. A must for anyone interested in film history.

DEVIL'S POND (dir: Joel Viertel, R) - Any movie that promises to mix SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY with MISERY is probably going to be terrible. It is also very likely to be a direct to video thriller starring Tara Reid.

DIL CHAHTA HAI (DO YOUR THING) (dir: Farhan Akhtar, NR) - Of the three Bollywood films premiering this week, this is my favorite. One might be tempted to describe it as an Indian FRIENDS, only with lavish musical numbers and a surprising amount of deep soul-searching. A sad event brings together three buddies who've grown apart due to various romantic misadventures. Aamir Khan (the star of LAGAAN) shines as the selfish playboy who can't understand why his friends would want to settle down.

DINNER AND DRIVING (dir: Lawrence Trilling, NR) - A relationship-phobic writer in Hollywood is forced to choose between his marriage-craving girlfriend and an old flame from college. Joey Slotnick stars as the neurotic young man in need of some good advice.

DIRTY DEEDS (dir: David Caesar, R) - The holy trinity of Australian actors, Sam Neill, Toni Collette and Bryan Brown team up for this gambling drama from down under. On a related note, how can Australia be a country and a continent? They have some cute marsupials so they don't have to play by the same rules as everyone else? I don't get it.

DODSON'S JOURNEY (dir: Gregg Champion, NR) - David James Elliot stars as the low handicapper and local dewsweeper James Dodson in this family-friendly film. The Topsham-residing author of many golf books goes on a fly-fishing trip with his daughter Maggie to assuage the pains of his late father's death and his abruptly-ended marriage. What he finds is that a trip like this can build up a relationship with a daughter, but it cannot get his golf game to the point where he can beat our employee Mike.

DOUBLE VISION (dir: Chen Kuo Fu, R) – One of America’s most underrated character actors, David Morse, plays an FBI agent who travels to Taiwan to help authorities there piece together a series of gruesome slayings. It’s like a gorier CSI with cool Asian sensibilities, and that ain’t bad.

DOWN AND OUT WITH THE DOLLS (dir: Kurt Voss, R) - An all-girl rock band gets more than they bargained for when they move into a house together to record an album. When a dead body turns up after a party their musical dreams turn into a rock and roll nightmare.

DOWN WITH LOVE (dir: Peyton Reed, PG-13) - This homage to the sex farces of the early 60's on the surface seems like a great idea. But that's precisely the problem: it's nothing but surface. So much effort was spent aping the space-age décor and corny dialogue of a Doris Day film that there was no place left for DOWN WITH LOVE to have any identity of its own. An appealing concept all dressed up with nowhere to go.

DREAMCATCHER (dir: Lawrence Kasdan, R) - A big, soggy mess. A great cast of reliable character actors like Morgan Freeman, Jason Lee, Tom Sizemore and Thomas Jane are wasted in this half-baked, but at the same time, totally overcooked Stephen King adaptation. Aliens, telekinesis and a blizzard may sound like a greatest hits collection of his stories, but it's more likely a sign that he's run out of ideas.

DUMB AND DUMBERER: WHEN HARRY MET LLOYD (dir: Troy Miller, PG-13) - It's hard to criticize a film that knows how stupid it is. Instead, I'm going to focus on the positive aspects. Not only is this directed by one of the masterminds behind MR. SHOW and TENACIOUS D, but Troy Miller also directed one of the most maligned, misunderstood films in history, JACK FROST. The people that missed out on the subtle satire of that Michael Keaton snowman-reincarnation film are truly worthy of sympathy. Remember, a snow Dad is better than no Dad!

DUST (dir: Milcho Manchevski, R) - The director of BEFORE THE RAIN makes his English language debut with this tale of two brothers in love with the same woman. Set against the epic backdrop of the Ottoman Empire, this is filmmaking on a grand scale.

EDDIE IZZARD: CIRCLE (dir: Eddie Izzard, NR) - Britain's weirdest comedian is back with more astute observations about everything from dinosaurs with guns to Mad Cow Disease. And he wears eyeliner while doing it.

EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS (dir: Seth Kearsley, PG-13) - Although it's refreshing to see a holiday-themed film focusing on Hanukah, this animated brainchild of Adam Sandler would have been more refreshing if it wasn't unwatchable.

ELLEN DEGENERES: HERE AND NOW (dir: Ellen DeGeneres, NR) - Ellen is far too nice. It would be exciting if she would make that crazy Anne Heche the butt of some of her jokes. Seriously, she was found wandering around in the desert claiming to be a goddess from another planet. That's pretty ripe material. But, alas, Ellen is content riffing on airplane etiquette and the complications of cell phones. Funny stuff definitely, but if she ever gets mean she could be great.

ELOISE AT THE PLAZA (dir: Kevin Lima, G) - Based on the classic children's book, ELOISE AT THE PLAZA will charm even the stodgiest of viewers. Julie Andrews continues to broaden her range by playing Eloise's nanny.

ENDGAME (dir: Gary Wicks, UR) – Compared to top-notch British thrillers such as SEXY BEAST and GANGSTER NO. 1, ENDGAME cruises stylishly through the seamy underworld of London’s sex-for-hire business. Don’t miss this classy and provocative concoction.

ENDURANCE, THE (dir: George Butler, G) - This fantastic documentary chronicling Ernest Shackleton's ill-fated attempt to cross Antarctica mixes archive photographs and films with modern day location footage. Filled with tales of adventure and courage, THE ENDURANCE is more exciting than any tale a screenwriter could dream up. Highly recommended.

EXPERIMENT, THE (dir: Oliver Hirschbiegel, R) - In this German import, a group of twenty men are incarcerated in a mock prison, divided into guards and inmates. As the experiment goes along the men find the role-playing becoming quite real, the guards becoming sadistic and the prisoners becoming anti-authoritarian. This film chillingly exposes how easily normal people (especially Germans) will adapt to extreme situations with extreme behavior.

EYE, THE (dir: The Pang Brothers, R) - From Hong Kong comes this eerie cross between THE RING and THE SIXTH SENSE. When a young blind woman has an operation to restore her vision she sees more than she bargains for: namely, ghosts and other creepy apparitions. Although the supernatural thriller genre is starting to feel a bit redundant, this movie has enough Asian flair to creep you out properly. Tom Cruise has already bought the rights, so see this before the remake comes out!

FAIRLY ODDPARENTS: ABRA CATASTROPHE! (dir: Butch Hartman, G) - Here's another Nickelodeon movie I don't know anything about. It's a nice day. Maybe you should go outside and play instead.

FALL OF THE LOUSE OF USHER, THE (dir: Ken Russell, Not Rated) - Legendary British crackpot Ken Russell has a ball reinterpreting the work of Edgar Allen Poe.

FAMILY AFFAIR, A (dir: Helen Lesnick, Not Rated) - A young gay woman's mother might prove to be too accepting as she attempts to play matchmaker. The romantic entanglements caused by this meddling mom made this a favorite at various film festivals.

FAMILY GUY: VOLUME 2 (SEASON 3) (dir: Seth MacFarlane, Not Rated) - For reasons that continue to escape me, every person in Brunswick under the age of 21 thinks this is the funniest thing since Keanu Reeves performing Shakespeare.

FELLINI: I'M A BORN LIAR (dir: Damian Pettigrew, R) - Made by longtime Fellini friend Pettigrew, I'M A BORN LIAR is a documentary from an insider's perspective. With access to archival materials and Fellini's inner circle, this is a movie that could not have been made by anyone else. One of the best insights into the filmmaking process and the unique magic of one of the all time masters.

FINAL CUT (dir: Dominic Anciano / Ray Burdis, R) - SEXY BEAST's Ray Winstone, Jude Law and Sadie Frost star in this startling story of the hidden truth behind a couple's relationship. Following her husband's death, a widow discovers a video diary he had made that could potentially rewrite everything she assumed to be true.

FINDER'S FEE (dir: Jeff Probst, R) - I'm really happy we live in a world where the fact that you're the host of SURVIVOR means you get to direct a movie. Oh, wait. No I'm not.

FINDING NEMO (dir: Andrew Stanton, G) - I'm really looking forward to watching this newest Pixar fun-fest. If I hear one Randy Newman song though, things will get ugly.

FIREFLY: THE COMPLETE SERIES (dir: Joss Whedon, Not Rated) - From the creator of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER comes this short-lived space western about a Han Solo-ish captain and his ship of intergalactic thieves. Way better than ANGEL (Joss's BUFFY spin-off), FIREFLY has fun stories and great characters, but it couldn't manage to gain a following before blowing its whole budget on whiz-bang special effects before half the season was over.

FLESH FOR THE BEAST (dir: Terry M. West, R) - No, this is not the episode of THE ANNA NICOLE SHOW where she takes a trip to Applebee's. It's a horror film set in a haunted former sanitarium.

FORTY-FOUR MINUTES (dir: Yves Simoneau, R) - Based on the true story of a shootout on the streets of Hollywood in 1997 that involved over 200 police officers trying to subdue some Kevlar clad bank robbers, this is an intense reenactment starring Ron Livingston, Michael Madsen and Mario Van Peebles.

FOURTH ANGEL, THE (dir: John Irvin, R) - Jeremy Irons plays a revenge-obsessed man hell-bent on seeking retribution from the terrorists that killed his wife and daughters. Maybe he should be a little more concerned with seeking revenge upon whoever convinced him to star in DUNGEONS & DRAGONS.

FOURTH TENOR, THE (dir: Harry Basil, PG-13) - National treasure Rodney Dangerfield is taken out of mothballs for this wacky comedy where he must learn to sing opera in order to woo a lady. Priceless.

FREAKY FRIDAY (dir: Mark Waters, PG) - From the land of unnecessary remakes comes this update of the kitschy Jodie Foster vehicle from the 1970's. Jamie Lee Curtis struggles valiantly but, ultimately, this is pretty generic and seems like something made for television. Whatever. The kids will love it.

FRIDAY NIGHT (dir: Claire Denis, NR) - Due to a transit strike, a woman is stranded in a tremendous traffic jam. She becomes voyeur to people around her, granted an unusual intimacy by the strange circumstances. She meets a stranger and the two share a romantic evening. By the director of CHOCOLAT and BEAU TRAVAIL, this is an entrancing look at the mysteries of fate with a uniquely French outlook.

FRIENDS & FAMILY (dir: Kristen Coury, NR) - This story of two young men trying to keep their partnership secret from their families is notable because it's not their homosexuality that would be disapproved of, it's their jobs as Mafia hitmen! The Gay Mafia sub-genre starts here!

FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (dir: Robert Iscove, PG) - Until GIGLI came along, this was being short-listed as the worst movie in existence. Having seen both of them, I can honestly say either one will have you reaching for the jar of sleeping pills faster than you can say ISHTAR.

FUTURAMA: SEASON 2 (dir: Matt Groening, NR) – Here are five reasons why FUTURAMA is better than THE SIMPSONS: 1. Umm… okay, it’s not better than THE SIMPSONS, but it’s totally better than the overrated FAMILY GUY.

GANGS OF NEW YORK (dir: Martin Scorsese, R) – A movie so grand in scale with aspirations far beyond its ability to deliver, GANGS OF NEW YORK collapses under the weight of its pretense with a big dull thud. Where to begin? Could it be the cringe-inducing anachronism of the Celtic/New Age/Techno music that accompanies the strangely dull opening battle scene? Is it the woefully miscast Cameron Diaz as the streetwise strumpet with a heart of gold? Perhaps it’s Daniel Day Lewis, chewing scenery as if it’s the only form of sustenance he’s had in a month. Unfortunately, all of the responsibility for this odd monstrosity must be levied upon the shoulders of our director, Martin Scorsese. Whether he just bit off more than he could chew or suffered a bout of raging megalomania we’ll never know. What is known is that this will never join the ranks of TAXI DRIVER and MEAN STREETS on the list of great New York movies.

GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE 2 (dir: David Grossman, PG) - You know a sequel probably shouldn't exist if Brendan Fraser refuses to reprise his role from the original. And he's really desperate.

GERRY (dir: Gus Van Sant, R) - The team behind GOOD WILL HUNTING reunite for this beautifully shot story of two friends lost in the desert. There's probably a metaphor in there somewhere about how we're all wandering aimlessly through our lives or something.

GIGANTIC (A TALE OF TWO JOHNS) (dir: A.J. Schnack, Not Rated) - You probably know them best as the band that does the MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE theme song, but They Might Be Giants have had a long and strange career outside the music mainstream. Lots of New York hipsters like Janeane Garofalo and Conan O'Brien show up in this acclaimed documentary to tell the story of the dorkiest duo in rock 'n' roll.

GIGLI (dir: Martin Brest, R) - If Ben and J. Lo made a movie in the forest and no one saw it, did it really happen?

GOD, SEX & APPLE PIE (dir: Paul Leaf, R) - This indie comedy exploring the boring love lives of young, boring indie movie types won the Audience Award at the Temecula Valley International Valley Film Festival. I'm not positive but I think I would take that film festival more seriously if I knew where Temecula Valley was.

GODS AND GENERALS (dir: Ronald F. Maxwell, PG-13) - Although it kind of creeps me out how obsessive people get about the Civil War, there is no denying the quality of this prequel to GETTYSBURG. Jeff Daniels returns as Joshua Chamberlain, which is probably of interest to anyone who got really excited by that new statue at Bowdoin.

GOING POSTAL (dir: Jeffrey F. Jackson, Not Rated) - Brad Garrett stars in this wickedly dark comedy as a postal worker teetering on the brink of insanity. In fact, everyone at his post office is teetering on the brink of insanity. Can a famous psychologist find a remedy before a bloodbath ensues?

GOOD THIEF, THE (dir: Neil Jordan, R) - In this stylish international remake of the classic French caper-flick BOB LE FLAMBEUR, Nick Nolte plays a drug-addicted has-been trying to avoid arrest and pull off one last gig. I know there's a joke about life imitating art to be made, but I'm far too high-minded to be part of it.

GRISTLE, THE (dir: David Portlock, NR) - This movie gets my award for most ridiculous plot scenario of the year.  When two medical students show up with stolen kidneys they are selling on the black market, they mistakenly take possession of a huge delivery of cocaine that some other criminals were delivering to the same location at the same time. Plausibility, we hardly knew ye.

GUYS, THE (dir: Jim Simpson, PG) - Although well-intentioned, this September 11th drama starring Sigourney Weaver and Anthony LaPaglia seems a tad TV movie-ish.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (dir: Yen Tan, Not Rated) - This anthology shows from five different perspectives the issues of being gay in America. There is Javed, whose Islamic family has disowned him. There is Tracy, who must re-closet herself when her mother visits. Jim tries to numb his self-hatred with food. Kelly obsesses over her college roommate. Where are all the happy, well-adjusted gay people with supportive families?

HARD WORD, THE (dir: Scott Roberts, R) - From Australia comes a heist caper starring Guy Pearce as an armed robber trying to pull off one last job. Why do they always have to go for one last job? It never works out. There are always double crosses, bloodshed and hurt feelings.

HATRED OF A MINUTE (dir: Michael Kallio, NR) - Written, directed by and starring newcomer Michael Kallio, this indie psychlogical thriller pictures a man whose personal angels and demons lead him to become a serial killer.  Cult horror hero Bruce Campbell produced this, so it's got to be sick and twisted in a fun way.

HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT (dir: Laetitia Colombani, PG-13) – Audrey Tautou, adorable imp from AMELIE, switches gears as a wronged woman in this RASHOMON-esque thriller. The same events unfold twice, once from the female and once from the male perspective. What at first seems to be an innocent romance quickly turns into something else.

HEAD OF STATE (dir: Chris Rock, PG-13) – Chris Rock = funny. Chris Rock’s movies = not so much.

HOLES (dir: Andrew Davis, PG) - Apparently family comedies about forced child labor are what Walt Disney makes now.

HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE (dir: Ron Shelton, PG-13) - Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett star in this limp cop action comedy that had audiences everywhere asking, "Harrison, when are you going to make another Indiana Jones movie?"

HOME ALONE: TAKING BACK THE HOUSE (dir: Rod Daniel, NR) - The eerie parallels between STRAW DOGS and the HOME ALONE series chill me to the bone.

HOME MOVIE (dir: Chris Smith, Not Rated) - From the creator of AMERICAN MOVIE comes this whimsical look at eccentric people and their eccentric homes. There's the alligator wrangler who lives on a houseboat in a bayou and a woman who lives in a tree house in Hawaii. There's a couple who live underground in a disused missile silo and an amateur hypnotist who has turned his home into the house of the future... at least how people thought the future would look in 1955.

HOME ROOM (dir: Paul F. Ryan, R) - In the aftermath of a Columbine-like shooting, two very different girls forge a bond through shared suffering. What they come to learn about each other and themselves will shake them to the core. Handling its difficult subject matter in a non-exploitative manner and featuring terrific performances, HOME ROOM is a powerful surprise.

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (dir: Rob Zombie, R) – Every horror movie cliché in the book is dissected and reassembled in this gore-fest homage to all things bloody. “Musician” Rob Zombie steps behind the camera and, if nothing else, proves that he has definitely seen a lot of fright flicks in his day.

HOUSE OF FOOLS (dir: Andrei Konchalovsky, R) - A woman in a psychiatric hospital daydreams about her imaginary fiancée, Canadian pop-star Bryan Adams, as war rages in the world outside. This winner of two awards at the Venice Film Festival goes the extra step of having Bryan Adams cameo as himself.

HOUSEKEEPER, THE (dir: Claude Berri, R) - One of France's favorite directors returns with this whimsical tale of a bachelor hiring a housekeeper who ends up polishing more than the silverware. This breezy comedy will be loved by fans of MOSTLY MARTHA and Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN.

HOW TO DEAL (dir: Clare Kilner, PG-13) - Mandy Moore is a sassy teenager struggling with the complications of first love and her parents' marriage falling apart. Although this is more of an afterschool special than a movie, there are redeeming supporting turns by Allison Janney, Dylan Baker and Peter Gallagher.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS (dir: Donald Petrie, PG-13) – Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey square off in this battle of the sexes that purports to be about how different men and women are, but instead illuminates the fact that they’re… exactly the same!  Though formulaic and devoid of anything resembling originality, the leads are so breezy and charming (except in an awful climactic duet scene) that you really don’t care.

HULK (dir: Ang Lee, PG-13) - Following up CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON was always going to be a tall order so it's no surprise that THE HULK was met with mostly disappointment. Although it should be lauded for not subscribing to typical Hollywood blockbuster rules, it's also true that this is the most dour comic book movie ever made. It's just not very much fun. Though I'd still rather watch it ten times before watching DAREDEVIL again.

HUNTED, THE (dir: William Friedkin, R) – Insane has-been William Friedkin refuses to sail into the sunset and be fondly remembered for THE FRENCH CONNECTION and THE EXORCIST, preferring to tarnish what little respect he has left with derivative junk like this. Tommy Lee Jones, looking even more bored than in MEN IN BLACK 2, plays the same character he played in THE FUGITIVE and just about every other movie he’s ever been in. He’s some sort of CIA tracker who must find a former pupil played by Benicio Del Toro who, after being exposed to the horrors of war in Kosovo, now likes to kill people with his bare hands in the woods of Oregon. Tommy is also saddled with a rookie partner played by Carrot Top who slows him down and is really bad at being covert in the woods because of his shock of bright orange hair. I might have made that last part up.

I CAPTURE THE CASTLE (dir: Tim Fywell, R) - A comedic love story set in England during the 1930's, this follows a seventeen year old girl who struggles with her ridiculously eccentric family and the decaying castle they live in. Directed by Tim Fywell, who has directed episodes of just about every great British TV series of the last ten years, as well as adaptations of several Ruth Rendell books.

ICHI THE KILLER (dir: Takashi Miike, NR) - Our favorite director, Takashi Miike, is insane. He's made approximately sixty films in the last ten years, shaves his eyebrows for no discernible reason and continually pushes every cinematic boundary he can think of. His films are funny and scary, provocative and emotional. He has made films of every genre, sometimes combining several in the same film. If you are in the market for adventurous filmmaking and are not faint of heart, he's a director worth exploring. ICHI THE KILLER is one of his best-known films, causing alarm around the world when it was released in 2001. It's the super-violent tale of a Yakuza killer caught up in a turf war that could engulf all the gangsters in Japan. Fast, funny and brutal - people looking for the missing link between Quentin Tarantino, Akira Kurosawa and George Romero should line up now.

IDENTITY (dir: James Mangold, R) - Since seeing this John Cusack thriller, I haven't been able to decide if it's an audacious reinvention of the Hollywood thriller or the most preposterous piece of nonsense to emerge for eons. A group of ten strangers are stranded at an isolated motel during a storm and start turning up dead. As the survivors try to unravel what is happening they discover they share a common bond that has led the killer to bring them together.

IN HELL (dir: Ringo Lam, R) - Jean-Claude Van Damme is sent to an archaic Eastern European prison where he becomes the jail librarian and teaches illiterate inmates to read. Just kidding. He kills guys.

IN-LAWS, THE (dir: Andrew Fleming, PG-13) - America probably would have been fine without this lame remake of the 1979 Alan Arkin / Peter Falk comedy caper. But thanks anyway.

INTERSTATE 60 (dir: Bob Gale, R) - James Marsden and Gary Oldman star in this indie comedy concerning a young man who sets out on a road trip of self discovery. With a little help from a mystical character he's able to make all his dreams come true. Also starring Chris Cooper and Amy Smart.

IRREVERSIBLE (dir: Gaspar Noe, UR) – Legendary Chilean crackpot Alejandro Jodorowsky once said that his life was a search for the ultimate poetical act. He said that he couldn’t disregard violence from being beautiful because there was poetry in it. Such is the case with IRREVERSIBLE, perhaps the most brutal and shocking film ever released. It is ugly. It might be perverse. If movies had existed 200 years ago, the makers of this one would have been publicly stoned or locked away forever. But it is poetic. It is a justifiable act of art. The puritanical mentality that says ugly things should be hidden away and not seen does not stop ugliness from existing or brutal acts from happening. I personally want to be aware of these things. To lay witness to the true ugliness of the world is the only way to hold honest reverence for beauty. You cannot have one without the other. And that is why IRREVERSIBLE deserves to be seen. The film that caused uproars around the world starts with a scene of vengeful violence and then unfolds in reverse to explain what revenge is being sought for. It then continues back further and we see the characters in happier times. The compelling aspect of this technique is that we know the outcome. We know these people are destined for disaster because we have already seen what happens to them. The reverse storytelling is not a gimmick or, as in MEMENTO, a puzzle to be solved. It is a device that allows the characters to gain a unique empathy from the viewer because we know their fate. So I believe that Mr. Jodorowsky would approve of IRREVERSIBLE, though he probably wouldn’t want to watch it with his grandmother.

IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY (dir: Fred Schepisi, PG-13) - They dragged Kirk Douglas out of retirement for this? Shouldn't he be in a rest home or something?

ITALIAN JOB, THE (dir: F. Gary Gray, PG-13) - I'll admit it. I was skeptical. Last year Mark Wahlberg tried to fill Cary Grant's shoes in the CHARADE-remake THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE and failed miserably. Now he's trying to take over for Michael Caine in an update of one of the coolest capers ever. Therefore, I was most pleasantly surprised by this lean, stylized update. Even the worst actress on Earth, Charlize Theron, can't manage to louse things up.

JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (dir: Victor Salva, R) - This movie certainly won't convert anyone who doesn't like horror films, but it's a treat for those who do. Good-looking special effects, an interesting storyline and, as its centerpiece, a nifty performance by Ray Wise, all add up to make this scary movie better than it has any need to be.

JOURNEY TO KAFIRISTAN (dir: Fosco & Donatello Dubini, NR) - Call me cynical but hasn't the Swiss lesbians on a journey of self-discovery in 1930's Afghanistan genre become a bit routine?

JUMP TOMORROW (dir: Joel Hopkins, PG) - This hip and winning romantic comedy follows a young Nigerian immigrant who's being forced into an arranged marriage at Niagara Falls by his family. When he is late meeting his fiancée's plane, a classic screwball comedy formula follows. Mistaken identities and miscommunication compound the frustration of a young man living a life not of his own design. Recommended.

JUNK (dir: Atushi Muroga, UR) - From Japan comes the goriest zombie film in eons. If you're a massive fan of George Romero's Dead trilogy or you can't wait for 28 DAYS LATER, JUNK will satiate your bloodlust much better than, say, BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM.

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN (dir: Tamra Davis, PG-13) - This hodge-podge of extreme sports footage is fun for a while, but the grating soundtrack and the dim-witted athletes recounting how many bones they've broken wears a bit thin.

KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE, THE (dir: Brett Morgen / Nanette Burstein, R) - This fascinating documentary follows legendary Hollywood producer Robert Evans from his days as a starlet expected to be "the next Valentino", to his rise to power and subsequent fall (and rise again). Evans narrates this film based on his autobiography, which lends it an intimacy into the workings of Hollywood that an outsider would not have been able to capture. It's a rare treat filled with enough anecdotes to satisfy any Tinseltown fan's lust for the nitty-gritty.

KILLING EMMETT YOUNG (dir: Keith Snyder, R) - Puppy-faced Scott Wolf (Bailey from PARTY OF FIVE) stars as a homicide detective tracking a vicious serial killer and dying of a terminal illness. For reasons only known to the Gods of screenwriting, he figures he'll use himself as bait since his time is running out anyway.

KIM POSSIBLE: THE SECRET FILES (dir: Chris Bailey, NR) - This animated Disney show is like a cross between SPY KIDS and LIZZIE MCGUIRE. If that doesn't sound delightful to you, you're probably over ten years old.

KING OF THE HILL – SEASON ONE (dir: Mike Judge, Not Rated) – Set in Texas, this animated show from the creator of OFFICE SPACE and BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD has a sly, laid back sense of humor that fans have grown fond of over the years. It deftly walks the same line between smart and silly that THE SIMPSONS does, making it appealing to young people and old.

KIRA'S REASON (dir: Ole Christian Madsen, NR) - The latest film from Denmark to be shot in the Dogme style (no artificial light, handheld cameras only, no special effects, etc.) is the tragic story of a woman returning to her family after two years in a mental hospital. Will she be able to adapt to her previous life or will her demons resurface?

KISS YOU GAVE ME, THE (dir: Sonia Fritz, Not Rated) - Here's a romantic thriller set in Puerto Rico in the year 2006. Angela is a reporter for a vaguely futuristic TV network who is forced to track down her estranged husband after he kidnaps their child. Along the way she falls back in love with an old flame who's helping her.

KOI MIL GAYA (I FOUND SOMEONE) (dir: Rakesh Roshan, NR) - It's the Bollywood version of E.T.! The first Hindi sci-fi film features a cute blue alien who dances its way into the hearts of a group a kids and their man-child friend.

LAND BEFORE TIME X: THE GREAT LONGNECK MIGRATION (G) - Everybody's favorite prehistoric pals are back and this time they're headed to a huge dinosaur family reunion. Featuring the vocal stylings of Kiefer Sutherland, Bernadette Peters and James Garner.

LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE (dir: Jan De Bont, PG-13) - Angelina Jolie returns as video game heroine Lara Croft. Unsurprisingly, the production went massively overbudget on lipgloss.

LAST CALL: THE FINAL CHAPTER OF F. SCOTT FITZGERALD (dir: Henry Bromell, R) - Apparently F. Scott Fitzgerald spent a lifetime battling demons. Sort of like Buffy, The Vampire Slayer.

LAST EXILE: FIRST MOVE (dir: Kouichi Chigira, PG-13) - Gonzo Entertainment, one of the most revered names in Anime, returns with this adventure full of grand air battles and romance. It's like PEARL HARBOR only not terrible.

LAST KISS, THE (dir: Gabriele Muccino, R) - This Italian film has been described as SEX AND THE CITY with men. I think that was meant as a compliment, but it ensures that people who see SEX AND THE CITY as a sign of the coming apocalypse, such as myself, will probably not want to watch it.

LAST MINUTE, THE (dir: Stephen Norrington, UR) - Billy Byrne is London's Next Big Thing until his fame ends suddenly. As his world detonates and his self-esteem splinters, he descends into a dangerous underworld of murderers, thieves and talent agents.  Eight years later and the British still keep cranking out these TRAINSPOTTING retreads.

L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE (dir: Cedric Klapisch, R) - A French exchange student studying in Barcelona gets a lesson in multi-cultural living while he shares an apartment with students from all over Europe. Complications arise when his girlfriend, played by Audrey Tautou, comes to visit.

LAUREL CANYON (dir: Lisa Cholodenko, R) – The director of Bart and Greg’s favorite film of 1998, HIGH ART, returns with this ensemble dramedy set high in the Hollywood Hills.  Frances McDormand shines as a bohemian record producer, and is the only member of the cast that doesn’t have to use a phony accent.  We guarantee this film will make you want to hang out in a pool in L.A. and suck face with your boyfriend’s mom and her boyfriend.

LAWLESS HEART (dir: Neil Hunter / Tom Hunslinger, R) - Telling the same story from three different perspectives might sound like a gimmick, but its use in this British slice of life helps to illuminate all the moments that normally might slip away unnoticed. This subtle demonstration of how events are interpreted in different ways is not only profound, but a work of original artistry.

LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, THE (dir: Stephen Norrington, PG-13) - Sean Connery stars in this adaptation of the comic book about a bunch of famous fictional characters getting together to fight crime or something. One time in an interview Sir Sean advocated husbands slapping their wives. That doesn't seem extraordinarily gentlemanly, does it?

LEGALLY BLONDE 2: RED, WHITE & BLONDE (dir: Charles Herman-Wurmfeld, PG-13) - Hi. I'm the least necessary sequel ever. Don't watch me.

LEGEND OF SURIYOTHAI, THE (dir: Chatri Chalerm Yukol, R) - This grand historical drama tells the true story of a 16th Century Thai princess who marries a man she does not love in order to prevent a war. Epic in scope, this exotic treat recalls the greatest work of David Lean. Not to be missed.

LEVITY (dir: Ed Solomon, R) - Billy Bob Thornton sports a truly horrible haircut as a convict released from a prison that apparently didn't employ a barber.

LIFE OF MAMMALS, THE (Dir: Mike Salisbury, NR) - In this award-winning BBC series, David Attenborough scours the globe exposing the oddities and similarities we share with our animal friends.

LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE, THE (dir: Jim Fall, PG) – As if young American girls needed more superficial role models, here’s Lizzie McGuire making the Olsen twins look like Sandra Day O’Connor. Wallowing in her sense of entitlement and privilege, Lizzie jets off to Rome for the class trip and rather than explore the culture of one of the great cities of the world, she sneaks off to go shopping and romance an Italian boy. At this rate she’ll end up on SEX & THE CITY, setting back women’s rights 50 years with those other strumpets.

LONG TIME DEAD (dir: Marcus Adams, R) - Between this and 28 DAYS LATER, British horror films have seen quite a resurgence recently. Playing with a Ouija board at a party, a group of college students unleash a demon that proceeds to offer them fashion advice and loan them money. I'm just kidding; he kills them.

LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (dir: Peter Jackson, PG-13) - Is there anybody on planet earth whose favorite trilogy of films is still STAR WARS?

LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONEY (dir: Peter Mattei, R) - Steve Buscemi, Rosario Dawson and Michael Imperioli, among many others, star in this startlingly frank sexual merry-go-round based on the same controversial 1897 play that inspired Max Ophuls' 1957 French classic LA RONDE.

LOVE THE HARD WAY (dir: Peter Sehr, R) - Before Adrien Brody shot to fame snogging Halle Berry at The Oscars, he was churning out low-budget indie films like this. Here he plays Jack, a smooth talking con man who dreams of writing a book about his exploits. Hot on his trail is the inimitable Pam Grier as a no-nonsense police detective.

LUSTER (dir: Everett Lewis, Not Rated) - A refreshing look at gay romance that's edgy, tender and darkly comic, LUSTER is a gritty yet romantic ode to one young man's adventures in lust, sex- and maybe even love!

MALIBU'S MOST WANTED (dir: John Whitesell, PG-13) - Jamie Kennedy lovingly sends up the suburban appropriation of hip-hop culture in this comedy based on a character used in his stand up routine. This film also marks the first collaboration between Ryan O' Neal and Snoop Dogg.

MAN APART, A (dir: F. Gary Gray, R) - Anyone who has yet to realize that Vin Diesel is the Robert De Niro of his generation should consider A MAN APART his wake up call.

MAN ON THE TRAIN (dir: Patrice Leconte, R) - Legendary French actor Jean Rochefort stars along with rock-star Johnny Hallyday in this character study of two very different men who wish they'd lived each other's life. This was the winner of Best Picture and Best Actor at the Venice Film Festival.

MAN WITHOUT A PAST, THE (dir: Aki Kaurismaki, PG-13) - One of the best movies I've seen all year. This witty fable from Finland's comic master Aki Kaurismaki so completely charms you with its unique worldview that it might as well be from outer space. The tale of a man who loses his identity after being beaten by thugs only to rediscover who he really is was a smash at Cannes in 2002, winning the Grand Prix and Best Actress for Kati Outinen for her performance as the Salvation Army worker who slowly falls in love with our unnamed hero. Absolutely do not miss this magical and heartbreaking masterpiece.

MAROONED IN IRAQ (dir: Bahman Ghobadi, NR) - Acclaimed Iranian director Bahman Ghobadi returns with perhaps his best film yet. Revered around the globe for its gentle humor and passion, MAROONED IN IRAQ is the story of a Kurdish man searching for his missing wife during the Iran-Iraq war of the 1980's.

MARYAM (dir: Ramin Serry, NR) – An Iranian-American girl in the late 70’s must contend with prejudice during the hostage crisis and her cousins’ increasingly fundamental beliefs.

MARY-KATE & ASHLEY: SO LITTLE TIME (VOLUMES 3 & 4) (dir: Rich Correll / Jean Sagal, Not Rated) – Are you aware of the vast range of M-K & A paraphernalia on the market?  There’s an animated series, a video game, a clothing line, dolls, board games, funny money, shoes, bags, weapons of mass destruction with their faces silk-screened onto the hubs…  These girls have clout, alright.  I say buy M-K & A or get the hell out of America. The Sweet Valley High twins have been reincarnated and they’re hell-bent on world domination.

MARY-KATE & ASHLEY: THE CHALLENGE (dir: Craig Shapiro, G) - When Mary-Kate's new boyfriend get her "in trouble", it's off to Mexico for a quick fix. Ashley supportively holds her hand. A touching testament to sisterhood and a teenage girl's right to choose.

MATRIX RELOADED, THE (dir: The Wachowski Brothers, R) - Here's another tragic case of The George Lucas Syndrome. That is, when filmmakers start to believe the hype about themselves and then proceed to drown artistically in an ocean of self-indulgence. I probably liked THE MATRIX as much as anyone, but everything that was fresh in that movie is overdone here: a cacophonous mess that grasps at being meaningful by having everyone talk really slowly. It's exactly the kind of noisy, ugly big-budget studio monstrosity that The Wachowski Brothers imagine they've made extinct.

MAY (dir: Lucky McKee, R) - This darkly humorous horror film invites comparisons to CARRIE, but is more complicated than that. They both concern misunderstood young women, but that is where the similarities end. Angela Bettis stars as the title character who becomes dangerously obsessed with a boy that she can't have. Roger Ebert and Ain't It Cool News both called this one of the year's best films.

MEDALLION, THE (dir: Gordon Chan, PG-13) - I will bet you a million dollars Jackie Chan kicks a bunch of people in this movie.

MELVIN GOES TO DINNER (dir: Bob Odenkirk, R) - Bob from MR. SHOW makes his directorial debut with this comic story of a dinner amongst strangers gone awry. It's like MY DINNER WITH ANDRE only entertaining.

MIGHTY WIND, A (dir: Christopher Guest, PG-13) - Christopher Guest and his fellow mockery makers return with more improvised laughs in the story of '60's-era folk musicians reuniting after thirty years. Rolling Stone said, "It's a gift from comedy heaven".

MILLENNIUM ACTRESS (dir: Satoshi Kon, PG) - The director of PERFECT BLUE, the only Japanese anime movie I have ever seen and understood, returns with this acclaimed tale of a filmmaker searching for clues behind a famous actress's disappearance.

MILLENNIUM MAMBO (dir: Hou Hsiao-hsien, Not Rated) -Vicky is a young woman who loses herself in the shiny, cold world of techno music and nightclubs. Is she consciously trying to or numb herself against life, or is it the result of growing up in a toxic, disposable culture? As with all the work of Taiwanese director Hou Hsiao-hsien, a slow accumulation of seemingly random details builds to a powerful conclusion that banks on the viewer's emotional investment in the lives of the characters.

MONDAYS IN THE SUN (dir: Fernando Leon De Aranda, R) - Javier Bardem, Spain's leading actor, stars as an unemployed shipyard worker who finds that making his way in the world today takes everything he's got. The Iberian hunk took home his third Goya, Spain's equivalent to the Oscar, for his performance.

MOONLIGHT WHISPERS (dir: Akihiko Shiota, R) - This Japanese import has been alternately described as "perfectly deranged", "like a kinky episode of DAWSON'S CREEK", "discreetly erotic" and is said to "attain a hospitalized lyricism not seen since David Cronenberg's CRASH". If I could tell if these were complimentary comments or not I might want to watch this.

MORVERN CALLAR (dir: Lynne Ramsay, R) - Lynne Ramsay, who directed the poetic and haunting best film of 1999 RATCATCHER, gracefully avoids the sophomore slump with this mesmerizing story of a young woman who passes off her dead boyfriend's novel as her own. Starring the always exciting Samantha Morton, this confirms Ramsay as an important voice in international cinema.

MR. SHOW: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON (dir: Bob Odenkirk / David Cross, Not Rated) - If you're having sleepless nights in anticipation of RUN RONNIE RUN! (the MR. SHOW movie), let the 3rd season of hilarity whet your appetite for September 16th.

MULE SKINNER BLUES (dir: Stephen Farnhart, R) - Clive Barker presents this comical documentary about a guy obsessed with making his own horror film. He enlists anyone in his trailer park with a hint of talent, and sets about becoming an auteur.

MURDEROUS MAIDS (dir: Jean-Pierre Denis, NR) - France's most shocking crime of the 20th Century is the basis for this riveting tale of class struggle, incest and murder. When two sisters forced into servitude decide to take their jobs and shove them, they take the extra step of also gouging their employers' eyes out with their bare hands.

MY HOUSE IN UMBRIA (dir: Richard Loncraine, PG-13) - Maggie Smith, Chris Cooper and Timothy Spall star as survivors of a train accident that come together to heal their suffering. Filled with breathtaking Italian scenery, this is one house worth bringing home.

MY LIFE ON ICE (dir: Oliver Ducastel, Not Rated) - A teenage French boy receives a video camera for his birthday and begins recording the random events of his life. Soon he discovers the seamier things that can be filmed and sets out to record his journey of self-discovery.

MY LIFE WITH MORRISSEY (dir: Andrew Overtoom, NR) - This comic tale of one Morrissey fan's descent into madness is sure to strike a chord with anyone who spent time as a misunderstood teenager in the 80's or 90's. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who had long conversations with their Morrissey poster.

NAQOYQATSI (dir: Godfrey Reggio, PG) - The latest film by the makers of KOYAANISQATSI and POWAQQATSI features the music of Phillip Glass set to various entrancing images from around the globe. Since there is no narrative, the film is basically a fancy sensory experience for the eyes and ears. There is some subtext involving consumerism and war but the meaning is largely left up to the individual viewer to figure out.

NAVIGATORS, THE (dir: Ken Loach, R) - Ken Loach has made a career of turning his pathos for the working class into great art. From KES to last year's SWEET SIXTEEN, he has never compromised his principles and will never sell out. But if you think of him as humorless, your impression is erroneous. With movies like RIFF-RAFF, RAINING STONES and now THE NAVIGATORS he has turned the humdrum existences of real people into comedy gold. Here's a chance to catch up with one the world's seriously underrated filmmakers.

NICKTOONS: CHRISTMAS (dir: Stephen Hillenburg, et al., NR) - Umm, it's September. I know the kids like Christmas but let's get Halloween out of the way first.

NIGHT WALTZ: THE MUSIC OF PAUL BOWLES (dir: Owsley Brown, NR) - I may be confused, but Paul Bowles was a writer. So why is there a movie about his music?

NO GOOD DEED (dir: Bob Rafelson, R) - From the legendary director of FIVE EASY PIECES and THE KING OF MARVIN GARDENS comes this edgy thriller starring Samuel Jackson, Milla Jovovich and Stellan Skarsgard. Loosely based on a short story by Dashiell Hammett, this criminally overlooked film certainly deserves a wider audience than it got in theaters.

NORMAL (dir: Jane Anderson, NR) - This provocative drama stars Jessica Lange and IN THE BEDROOM's Tom Wilkinson in the story of a middle-aged man who shocks his family and close-knit community by undergoing a sex change operation. Made for HBO, this is a powerful story of the courage it takes to be yourself.

NORTHFORK (dir: Michael Polish, PG-13) - The Polish Brothers, the indie architects behind JACKPOT and TWIN FALLS IDAHO, return with their most acclaimed film yet. Set in the 1950's against the backdrop of a hydroelectric dam, Northfork is a town about to be drowned into history. Although the town has been evacuated, stragglers remain. As the characters converge, they take refuge in one another and are swept into an unforgettable tale. Similar to the eccentric work of Jim Jarmusch or early Coen brothers, NORTHFORK is an eerie ensemble piece not to be missed.

NOWHERE IN AFRICA (dir: Caroline Link, R) - This year's Best Foreign Language Film at The Oscars is a tale of a Jewish family escaping from Germany in 1938 to live on a farm in Kenya. Will the family come together during this tumultuous time or be torn apart forever?

O FANTASMA (dir: Joao Pedro Rodrigues, Not Rated) - If you've been wondering what the lonely young garbage men of Lisbon, Portugal get up to in their free time, here's the answer. Apparently, it involves a lot of anonymous sexual encounters in public restrooms and latex bodysuits.

OFFICE, THE: THE COMPLETE FIRST SERIES (dir: Ricky Gervais / Stephen Merchant, NR) - The funniest show on TV! THE OFFICE makes SEX & THE CITY look like a holocaust documentary. Shot as a reality series in a miserable cubicle landscape full of cantankerous and unhappy individuals, this show mercilessly sends up the banality of office politics and the desperation of trying to rise in the ranks. Satire this biting can be dangerous and/or revolutionary.

ONE LOVE (dir: Leon Gast, PG) - Even if you're not a basketball fan, 1 LOVE will entertain you with other people's passion for the sport. Mixing interviews with greats like Kareem Abdul-Jabar and testimonials by fans of the game they live for, 1 LOVE transcends sports. It reflects a passion for life. Directed by Leon Gast, who won an Academy Award for WHEN WE WERE KINGS.

ONMYOJI (dir: Yojiro Takita, R) - Fans of HERO and CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON should line up now for this mystical tale of ancient Japan. Winner of numerous awards in its homeland, ONMYOJI has been compared to THE LORD OF THE RINGS for its grand supernatural scope.

ORDER, THE (dir: Brian Helgeland, R) - If you're looking for the bizarre art nonsense of Matthew Barney, not only are you kind of disturbed, but this is not that THE ORDER. This THE ORDER is a mopey religious thriller starring Heath Ledger as an overly attractive young priest investigating a secret society of evildoers.

ORDER, THE: FROM MATTHEW BARNEY'S CREMASTER 3 (dir: Matthew Barney, Not Rated) - Matthew Barney is a multimedia artist who took over New York's Guggenheim museum last year and turned it into his personal madhouse. He had rivers of Vaseline flowing down the rotunda, with mutated girl scouts and various animal parts on display. THE ORDER sets these visuals to music, and serves as the climax of his six outrageous, non-narrative CREMASTER films.

OSBOURNES, THE: THE SECOND SEASON (dir: Ozzy Osbourne, NR) - Oh, that's so adorable. They don't realize they were just a fad and nobody cares anymore. That is too precious.

OUT FOR A KILL (dir: Michael Oblowitz, R) - The only interesting thing about this routine Steven Seagal actioner is how the title is a combination of two of his previous films, OUT FOR JUSTICE and HARD TO KILL.

OWNING MAHOWNY (dir: Richard Kwietniowski, R) - Everyone's favorite actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, follows up the dreary LOVE LIZA with another of his patented sad-sack losers in this true story of a gambling addict who financed his habit with the unwitting help of the bank he worked for. A strong supporting cast includes Minnie Driver and John Hurt.

P.S. YOUR CAT IS DEAD (dir: Steve Guttenberg, R) – Steve Guttenberg stars, wrote and produced this edgy comedy that somehow went against all the laws of the universe and got good reviews. Many critics say it’s Steve’s best work since POLICE ACADEMY 3: CITIZENS ON PATROL.

PACT OF SILENCE, THE (dir: Graham Guit, R) - Gerard Depardieu stars in this compact little thriller as a priest-slash-doctor who must discover the cause of a mysterious illness affecting a young French nun in Brazil, played by the ever-empathetic Elodie Bouchez. 

PAINTED HOUSE, A (dir: Alfonso Arau, NR) - I think everyone should watch this because it's based on a John Grisham book and there is nary a lawyer to be seen.

PANDEMIC: FACING AIDS (dir: Rory Kennedy, NR) - You would probably assume a globe-spanning documentary about the spread of AIDS would be a big-time bummer, and it is. But as the film travels from Uganda to Brazil and India and Thailand, the true stories of people living with the disease give voice to a generation of suffering. And the voice is hopeful.

PANTALEON Y LAS VISITADORAS (dir: Francisco J. Lombardi, R) - From Peru comes this sexy comedy about a young army captain stationed at a remote Amazonian outpost. He tries to remain a faithful husband even as the local prostitute sets about seducing him. 

PARTY MONSTER: THE SHOCKUMENTARY (dir: Randy Barbato / Fenton Bailey, NR) - If you've been gnashing at the bit in anticipation of the Macauley Culkin / Seth Green club kids murder flick, you're not alone. Unfortunately, this isn't it. It's the documentary that inspired that film.

PHONE BOOTH (dir: Joel Schumacher, R) - Everyone's favorite lusty leprechaun, Colin Farrell, stars in this thriller as a man being held hostage by an assassin in the telecommunication device of the title. The gimmick is that for the entire film our hero must remain on the phone with the rooftop assassin or take a bullet in the chest. This premise lends a surprisingly effective claustrophobia to the proceedings before fizzling out in a routine finale. Mr. Farrell, as always, is charismatic but is still waiting for a truly great movie that is worthy of his talents.

PHOTOGRAPHER, THE (dir: Jeremy Stein, R) - A down on his luck photographer tries to pass off someone else's pictures as his own, but unwittingly starts a chain reaction that might ruin his career. Starring Reg Rogers, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Anthony Michael Hall.

PIGLET'S BIG MOVIE (dir: Francis Glebas, G) - When Piglet moves to the big city to pursue his dream of being a hustler, he gets more than he bargained for when he meets Ratso Rizzo who cons him out of his money and gets him hooked on drugs before they hightail it out of there for Miami. To this day, this remains the only X rated-film to win the Oscar for Best Picture.

PINOCCHIO (dir: Roberto Benigni, G) - Cute little Roberto Benigni capers (cavorts, even) like a schoolgirl in this Italianized version of a Disney classic, stolen from the Brothers Grimm, who probably borrowed it from an Italian peasant anyway. Watch it dubbed, with John Cleese as the cricket, or subtitled, with weird Americanized versions of Italian jokes that seem like they'd be funnier if you spoke Italian. Either way, a real winner!

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (dir: Gore Verbinski, PG-13) - The absolute best Hollywood blockbuster-type film of the year. Johnny Depp's mad brand of genius finally gets an audience the size it deserves and everyone's favorite sex-elf Orlando Bloom proves he'll be around long after those Hobbits have gone back to Narnia or wherever. This is way more fun than any pirate movie has the right to be.

PLASTER CASTER (dir: Jessica Villines, Not Rated) - If you've been squirming in your seat waiting for a documentary about legendary groupie/anatomy artist Cynthia Plaster Caster, your dream has come to fruition. Full of funny anecdotes about rock legends Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Frank Zappa and many more, PLASTER CASTER is a hip account of a time when society was changing in ways that would, apparently, lead to the need for male anatomy being preserved in plaster. 

POOLHALL JUNKIES (dir: Mars Callahan, R) - Chazz Palminteri, Rod Steiger and Christopher Walken make one amazing trio of overactors. Hopefully, this will lend some excitement to what appears to be a dull combination of THE COLOR OF MONEY and GOODFELLAS.

POSSIBLE LOVES (dir: Sandra Werneck, NR) - Fans of SEX AND LUCIA should check out this frothy Brazilian romp. The plot follows a SLIDING DOORS style what-if scenario concerning the fate of two young people. Winner of the Jury Award for Latin American Cinema at the Sundance Film Festival.

PRAISE (dir: John Curran, NR) - Various critics paid tribute to this offbeat indie that examines the romantic obsession of two Australian misfits. She's a nymphomaniac with eczema. He's an asthmatic chain-smoker with a sagging libido. Can our young lovers make it in this crazy world or will they collapse under the weight of their dysfunction?

PREACHING TO THE PERVERTED (dir: Stuart Urban, UR) - I was far too busy staring with mouth agog at the faux-leather mask this movie came wrapped in to take much note of the movie itself. I did hear that it was banned in Ireland. Just like sobriety.

QUESTION OF LUCK (dir: Rafael Moleon, NR) - A man stumbles upon a dead body and a pile of priceless jewels. He flees with the jewels figuring that the dead person won't miss them. If he had only seen SHALLOW GRAVE or A SIMPLE PLAN he'd know it's just not that easy. This Spanish film is an intense, if redundant, thriller worth watching.

QUIET AMERICAN, THE (dir: Phillip Noyce, R) - Michael Caine turns in what may be the best performance in his distinguished career in this adaptation of Graham Greene's novel. Brendan Fraser is also on hand to try and ruin the movie with his horrible acting.

R. S. V. P. (dir: Mark Anthony Galluzzo, R) - This slasher variation on TEN LITTLE INDIANS won the Best Cinematography Award at Screamfest so how could it be bad?

RAISING VICTOR VARGAS (dir: Peter Sollett, R) - This celebrated indie takes a penetrating look at one block on New York's Lower East Side. The director cast non-professional actors, and the dialogue was largely improvised, lending the film a realism that a Hollywood production could never capture.

REAL CANCUN, THE (dir: Rick De Oliveira, R) – Finally, the fad of reality television has helped spawn the first reality movie. If you’ve been dreaming THE REAL WORLD meets ANIMAL HOUSE with a lot more girl-on-girl action and body shots, rejoice.

RESPIRO (dir: Emanuele Crialese, PG-13) - As the chill of autumn lays over Maine with its leafy blanket, I highly recommend a trip to Lampedusa, the sun drenched Mediterranean island upon which RESPIRO is set. It's the story of a carefree woman, played by Valeria Golino of BIG TOP PEE-WEE fame, who seems to be the only person to take notice that they are living in an island paradise. This film is like an exotic 90-minute vacation.

REVOLUTION #9 (dir: Tim McCann, NR) - Adrienne Shelly, Michael Risley and Spalding Gray star in this tale of a young man's descent into madness. Convinced that the media is conspiring to control his mind, our hero seeks out a potentially dangerous confrontation with a TV director he presumes to be responsible.

RIVER MADE TO DROWN IN (dir: Alan Smithee, Not Rated) – Richard Chamberlain plays a lawyer who journeys into the underworld of male prostitution to rescue an old friend. How many times have we heard this story? Also starring James Duvall of DONNIE DARKO and THE DOOM GENERATION.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

RUGRATS GO WILD (dir: Norton Virgien / John Eng, PG) - I sincerely hope that this movie is not a document of the Rugrats going on spring break to Cancun.

RUN RONNIE RUN! (dir: Troy Miller, R) - Those MR. SHOW madcaps David Cross and Bob Odenkirk take one their funniest characters, Ronnie Dobbs, and send him on a hilarious spoof of reality TV. If the comic sensibilities of WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER tickle you pink, you need to "run" out and rent RUN RONNIE RUN!

RUSSIAN ARK (dir: Alexander Sakurov, Not Rated) - Shot in the longest single, uninterrupted take in film history, RUSSIAN ARK takes us on a tour through St. Petersburg's Hermitage Museum, as it tells the story of a filmmaker lost somewhere in Russia's past.

S.W.A.T. (dir: Clark Johnson, PG-13) - Lusty leprechaun alert! Colin Farrell returns with his 82nd movie of the last six months. Although many people find it hard to believe, this movie actually tops his work in PHONE BOOTH, DAREDEVIL and THE RECRUIT. Allegedly based on a 1970's TV show that no one ever saw, this is an action-packed supercop thriller also starring LL Cool J, Samuel Jackson and Michelle Rodriguez.

SAFETY OF OBJECTS, THE (dir: Rose Troche, R) - Another film to add to the Life-Sure-Is-Depressing-In-The-Suburbs genre, THE SAFETY OF OBJECTS ranks alongside THE ICE STORM, ORDINARY PEOPLE and AMERICAN BEAUTY as an ode to the miserable commuter inside us all.

SAKURA WARS: THE MOVIE (dir: Mitsuru Hongo, PG-13) - Japan is under attack from demons and only The Imperial Fighting Troupe can save it! Sounds pretty straightforward, but this is Japanese Animation so it inevitably will make no sense.

SANTA CLAUSE 2, THE (dir: Michael Lembeck, G) - Tim Allen returns, for no particular reason, as a dude who's been drafted to take over the job of Santa Claus. Unfortunately for the children of the world, he goes power mad and keeps all the toys for himself and slaughters the reindeer. Surprisingly poignant.

SANTITOS (dir: Alejandro Springall, R) - This Mexican film follows a mother's descent into prostitution as she attempts to find her daughter who has been sold into sexual slavery. According to the sleeve, "this uplifting film is as touching as it is hilarious". What? 

SAVED BY THE BELL: SEASONS 1 & 2 (dir: Sam Bobrick, Not Rated) - Before Dustin Diamond rocketed to superstardom, he was known simply as "Screech". Before Elizabeth Berkley lit up the silver screen in SHOWGIRLS, she was an overachiever known as "Jessie". Before Mark-Paul Gosselaar made us laugh uncontrollably with DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS, he was just "Zach". I don't think I'm overstating the case by saying that SAVED BY THE BELL was the greatest breeding pool of acting talent Hollywood ever produced.

SCENES OF THE CRIME (dir: Dominique Forma, R) - This gangster thriller is noteworthy perhaps only because Jeff Bridges plays a bad guy. Jeff Bridges! The most earnest, open-faced man in Hollywood. As an evildoer! Intriguing.

SEA IS WATCHING, THE (dir: Kei Kumai, R) - Japan's master of cinema, Akira Kurosawa, lives on with this adaptation of his screenplay set in a brothel in 1850's Tokyo. One of the rare Kurosawa tales to have a female protagonist, this film serves as a testimony to one filmdoms greatest talents.

SEA, THE (dir: Baltasar Kormakur, R) - Wacky Icelandic director Baltasar Kormakur follows up 101 REYKJAVIK with another tale of domestic goofiness about our fish-eating friends in the North Atlantic.

SEABISCUIT (dir: Gary Ross, PG-13) - If you're a sucker for inspiring movies about animals like I am, you'll love SEABISCUIT. Actually, I only like movies about animals when they talk, like BABE, FREE WILLY and HOT TO TROT, but I'm sure you'll like SEABISCUIT.

SEARCHING FOR PARADISE (dir: Myra Paci, R) - When a young woman's father dies, she sets off to meet a Hollywood actor with whom she's obsessed for a bit of Freudian healing. Engaging and true, this subtle film features a great lead performance from Susan May Pratt, best known for her second-banana roles in teen movies like 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU and CENTER STAGE.

SEE HOW THEY RUN (dir: Emily Morse, NR) - This political documentary follows the mayoral race in San Francisco in 1999. Although Willie Brown seemed to be a shoo-in for reelection, a groundswell of support for a gay city supervisor/stand-up comedian soon complicated things. And that's when the race got nasty. This funny and insightful example of what people will do to win is the best political documentary since THE WAR ROOM.

SEX AND THE CITY: 5TH SEASON (dir: Darren Star, NR) - In the thrilling final season, TV's most beloved strumpets take a trip to Jonestown and take a long swig from the purple kool-aid jug. I wish.

SHANGHAI KNIGHTS (dir: David Dobkin, PG-13) - Although these buddy flicks are pretty irresistible confections, I had much bigger plans for Owen Wilson. I hope he doesn't dilute his Owen-ness by being the quirky sidekick in too many of these big budget Hollywood trifles.

SHAPE OF THINGS, THE (dir: Neil LaBute, R) - Indie auteur Neil LaBute brings his play to the screen with the same cast and, unfortunately, all of the staginess. Treading on similar terrain as IN THE COMPANY OF MEN and YOUR FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS, this is for die-hard fans only.

SHREDDER (dir: Greg Huson, R) - Here's the best premise for a horror movie in eons. After a young skier is killed in an accident caused by reckless snowboarders, a revenge-seeking psycho starts teaching the irresponsible boarders a thing or two about the rules of the slopes.

SIMPSONS, THE: SEASON 3 (dir: Matt Groening, Not Rated) - This is the season where TV's greatest show started to hit its stride. Classic episodes included are "When Flanders Failed", "Flaming Moe's" and "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (dir: Tim Johnson / Patrick Gilmore, PG) - The nail in the coffin of 2-D animation. After flops like this and TREASURE PLANET, Pixar's stock should be soaring. The vocal stylings of Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michelle Pfeiffer can't stop this ship from sinking.

SMASHING MACHINE, THE (dir: John Hyams, R) - This HBO documentary takes a disturbing look at the brutal world of extreme fighting, a sport mixing boxing and wrestling, but without rules. Focusing on Mark Kerr, the number one fighter in the sport, the film paints a devastating portrait of a man who will sacrifice everything to be THE SMASHING MACHINE.

SNAPSHOTS (dir: Rudolf Van Den Berg, R) - Burt Reynolds and Julie Christie star in this charming story of finding love late in life. Making good use of locations in Amsterdam and Morocco, this is a refreshingly optimistic take on romance.

SO CLOSE (dir: Cory Yuen, R) - Hong Kong superstars Shu Qi, Zhao Wei and Karen Mok star as sexy sisters who inherit their parents security business and proceed to kick lots of butt while remaining... incredibly sexy.

SOLARIS (dir: Steven Soderbergh, PG-13) - Following OUT OF SIGHT and OCEANS ELEVEN, this is the third successful collaboration between director Steven Soderbergh and superhunk George Clooney. While it lacks both of those films fizzy pop charms, SOLARIS is an interesting and, at times, inspired attempt to streamline the classic Russian headscratcher.

SONG FOR MARTIN, A (dir: Bille August, PG-13) – The director of one of the all-time great films, PELLE THE CONQUEROR, returns home to Sweden after a stint directing bland American trifles like THE HOUSE OF THE SPIRITS and SMILLA’S SENSE OF SNOW. This is a low-key story about finding love in middle age and then watching it slip away.

SONNY (dir: Nicholas Cage, R) - Nicholas Cage takes a somewhat ill-advised turn behind the camera for the story of a young gigolo (played by next-big-thing James Franco) trying to break free of his mother/madam's grasp.

SOPRANOS, THE: SEASON 4 (dir: David Chase, NR) - Apparently this is quite a popular television program. However, it's on at the same time as SpongeBob Squarepants and I wouldn't miss that show for anything.

SOUTH PARK: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON (dir: Matt Stone / Trey Parker, Not Rated) - This is the season where SOUTH PARK regained it's mojo and brought us classic episodes like Cat Orgy, Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub and Starvin' Marvin In Space.

SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST (dir: Matt Maiellaro / Dave Willis, Not Rated) - Cartoon Network's animated talk show host freaks out guests such as Bobcat Goldthwait, Hulk Hogan and Ashley Judd with his unique interview techniques.

SPIDER (dir: David Cronenberg, R) - David Cronenberg's latest creepfest features Ralph Fiennes as a mentally ill man trapped in the spiderweb of his own mind. As he sifts through the details of his pained childhood, he drifts further and further from reality. Miranda Richardson turns in a great performance as, literally, the mother and the whore.

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: CHRISTMAS (dir: Stephen Hillenburg, NR) - Darn it all, kids! Can we at least make it to Columbus Day?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: TIDE AND SEEK (dir: Stephen Hillenburg, NR) - In this collection of episodes from Nickelodeon's highly popular series, SpongeBob learns about the dangers of methamphetamines and that the price of an abortion is often not just paid in dollars.                                                                                                                                                                                                

STARRING ROSA FURR, AND OTHER QUEER TALES (dir: Lara Martin, NR) - Here's a collection of shorts that successfully played at the San Francisco Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. The title film is a silent, black and white mystery set in the 1920's.

STEVIE (dir: Steve James, R) - The director of HOOP DREAMS has made another great documentary. Returning to rural Illinois to reconnect with the young man he was an advocate Big Brother to, he finds that Stevie's life has spiraled out of control. He must weigh his guilt for not staying involved in the troubled young man's life against the stark reality that Stevie has grown up to be something monstrous.

STITCH! THE MOVIE (dir: Tony Craig, G) - This straight to video cash-in reunites Lilo with her loudmouthed alien pal. Along for the ride are some of Stitch's extraterrestrial friends.

STRANGERS WITH CANDY (dir: Peter Lauer, NR) - This Comedy Central series from a few years back is guilty of being maybe the funniest, and definitely the creepiest, show ever produced by that channel. Middle-aged high schooler Jerri's exploits will alternately make you puke with laughter and vomit with fright.

STRANGERS WITH CANDY: SEASON 2 (dir: Peter Lauer, NR) - Here's more fun with everyone's favorite 40-year-old high schooler Gerri. In the second season of this Comedy Central weirdfest she tries to overcome illiteracy, cover up a hit and run accident and falls in love with a blind football player.

SUICIDE CLUB (dir: Sion Sono, Unrated) - A wave of teenage suicides in Japan leaves the coppers baffled. It's up to Ryo Ishibashi, from AUDITION, to solve the case and put uneasy parents fears to rest. This edgy thriller has already taken the Pacific Rim by storm and is sure to become a cult favorite.

SWEET SIXTEEN (dir: Ken Loach, R) - This harrowing tale from Ken Loach tells the story of a young man beaten up by the system and ready to take things into his own hands. Shot in a quasi-documentary style, SWEET SIXTEEN is a powerful and disturbing story of life on the edge of desperation.

TAKEN (dir: Leslie Bohem, NR) - Steven Speilberg produced this epic mini-series spanning 50 years concerning alien abductions and government cover-ups. It co-stars that creepy little girl from I AM SAM, but she doesn't play an alien. Offbeat.

TEKNOLUST (dir: Lynn Hershman Leeson, R) - As far as daft sci-fi plots go, this one is pretty choice. A scientist has cloned three of herself but in order to survive they require the "essence" of men. Starring Tilda Swinton and Jeremy Davies, TEKNOLUST is a vision of the future more sexy than scientific.

TENACIOUS D: THE COMPLETE MASTER WORKS (dir: Jack Black / Kyle Gass, NR) - This compilation of the short films that appeared on HBO and introduced Tenacious D to the world is mandatory viewing for anyone who enjoyed THIS IS SPINAL TAP. The hilarious mixture of absurd rock and roll antics and brilliant mock-songwriting puts this high on the list of cult phenomena to emerge in the last ten years.

TERE NAAM (dir: Satish Kaushik, NR) - Indian heartthrob Salman Khan stars in this Bollywood extravaganza that will make you cry and laugh and cry some more! Forbidden love leads to prison and insanity, not to mention lots of singing and dancing!

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES (dir: Jonathan Mostow, R) - Arnold, you silly breast-fondling son of a Nazi. The good news for the people of California is that you can't possibly be any worse as a politician than you are as an actor.

THIS IS NOT A LOVE SONG (dir: Bille Eltringham, NR) – Two friends trying to get a new start on life can’t stay out of trouble, in this melding of IN COLD BLOOD and WITHNAIL & I. The stark northern British countryside makes for an ominous backdrop.

TILL HUMAN VOICES WAKE US (dir: Michael Petroni, R) - Guy Pearce and Helena Bonham Carter star in this Australian Thrill-tastic romance. Recounting a long ago summer that ended tragically, the truth of what happened becomes increasingly hard to discern.

TODO EL PODER (dir: Fernando Sarinana, R) - From the producers of AMORES PERROS comes this Mexican thriller that follows a man's attempt to find a stolen car. He ends up uncovering police corruption and finds his life in danger.

TOGETHER (dir: Chen Kaige, PG) - The director of FAREWELL, MY CONCUBINE returns with this heartwarming tale of a violin prodigy and his father traveling to Beijing to seek fame and fortune. Brimming with passion and pathos, TOGETHER is as defining a representation of gifted children as SEARCHING FOR BOBBY FISCHER. But with less chess. And more Chinese people.

TOO FAST 2 FURIOUS (dir: John Singleton, PG-13) - What?!? No Vin Diesel? No Greg watchy.

TRAVELING COMPANION (dir: Peter Del Monte, NR) - Anyone who saw her directorial debut, SCARLET DIVA, knows that Asia Argento is either really cool or really insane. Maybe both. This is an earlier film that helped launch her career as one of Europe's biggest stars and won her the Italian Academy Award for Best Actress.

TREMBLING BEFORE G-D (dir: Sandi Simcha Dubowski, NR) - If it wasn't tough enough being gay, imagine being a gay Hasidic or Orthodox Jew. That's the scenario of this documentary shot around the globe with a few brave people that risked being cast out of their communities for participating in this film.

TRIALS OF HENRY KISSINGER, THE (dir: Eugene Jarecki, Not Rated) - Another amazing documentary, THE TRIALS OF HENRY KISSINGER explores the culpability of Hank's involvement in atrocities from Cambodia to Indonesia to Chile. Power-mad war profiteer or murderous egomaniac? Or both? Based on Christopher Hitchen's incendiary book, this is not the "kill 'em with kindness" methodology of Michael Moore. This is the New Left radicalism that says history cannot be buried and accountability must be meted out.

TRIP, THE (dir: Miles Swain, R) - We follow two young gay men, one an outspoken activist, the other a closeted Republican, over the course of ten years as they deal with love, life and death. Featuring cameos by Alexis Arquette, Julie Brown and Jill St. John.

TWENTY-EIGHT DAYS LATER (dir: Danny Boyle, R) - This year's coolest cult horror film is not just about zombies who kill everyone in England; it's about particularly gruesome blood-vomiting zombies. Needless to say, Bart hated it.

TWENTY-FOUR (24): SEASON 2 (dir: Joel Surnow / Robert Cochran, Not Rated) - The breakneck real-time series returns, picking up exactly where Season 1 left off. Kiefer Sutherland must foil another conspiratorial plot to blow something up, but when does he get any sleep?

TWENTY-NINE PALMS (dir: Leonardo Ricagni, R) - Unfortunately, there seems to be no expiration date on ripping off Quentin Tarantino films. This stale slice of mediocrity features almost-stars Rachel Leigh Cook, Chris O'Donnell and Jeremy Davies trying to up their cool quotient with this "edgy" thriller revolving around a mysterious bag of money.

TWO TOWERS, THE: EXTENDED EDITION (dir: Peter Jackson, PG-13) - Oodles of people have been experiencing their own extended editions in anticipation of this director's cut. With THE RETURN OF THE KING hitting theaters in a month, now's certainly a good time to bone up on what you might have missed.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (dir: P. J. Hogan, PG-13) - The director of MURIEL'S WEDDING returns with this story of a middle-aged woman, played by Kathy Bates, abandoned by her husband. As she sets out on a journey of self-discovery she comes across Rupert Everett, Dan Aykroyd and... Barry Manilow.

UNCOVERED: THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT THE IRAQ WAR (dir: Robert Greenwald, NR) - If you're partial to progressive politics, you'll probably find this a fascinating investigation into the truth behind the war machine. If you're a supporter of George W. Bush, you'll probably find this about as pleasant as a colonoscopy. However, like a colonoscopy, you might get something beneficial out of it.

UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE: SEASON 1 (dir: Adam Bernstein, NR) - More hip weirdness from Comedy Central. The sketches on this show are mostly hit or miss, but I mainly consider this the launching pad for WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER's genius Amy Poehler.

VERSUS (dir: Ryuhei Kitamura, NR) - Complicated even by Japanese standards, VERSUS is an action movie that "plays out against an ever-changing background across multiple temporal planes of existence". The main character is named KSC2-303. I am confused.

VIEW FROM THE TOP (dir: Bruno Barreto, PG-13) - Gwyneth Paltrow halfheartedly stars as a dim young woman whose dreams of being a stewardess might just come true. This movie can't seem to decide whether it's a low-brow comedy or a gooey romance, while wasting the talents of Mike Myers, Mark Ruffalo and Candice Bergen.

WAR PHOTOGRAPHER (dir: Christian Frei, Not Rated) - This documentary follows legendary war photographer James Nachtwey to the hotspots of the world as he records mankind unleashing an unending succession of misery on one another. Although obviously heavy-going, this incredibly powerful film reserves hope for the future. Not to be missed.

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS (dir: Alfredo De Villa, R) - Focusing on the two sons of Dominican immigrants in New York, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS is a raw and unflinching look at life in the city, with an ear for natural dialogue and the rhythm of the streets.

WAVE TWISTERS (dir: Syd Garon, NR) - Synched scratch for scratch with DJ Qbert's turntable masterpiece of the same name, this film features a crew of heroes (cleverly disguised as a team of oral hygenists) determined to save the lost art of Hip Hop from total extinction at the hands of Lord Ook and his evil minions. Every generation produces its own animated pop music film, and this film samples a variety of computerized animated styles to take the genre to a new level.

WELCOME BACK, MR. MCDONALD (dir: Koki Mitani, Not Rated) – A comic Japanese romp that had the whole island nation in stitches, WELCOME BACK, MR. MCDONALD tells the story of a radio play on a Tokyo station that takes a funny turn when the lead actress decides to change her character’s name to Mary-Jane.  Hilarity ensues as the rest of the cast joins in the last-minute-changing fun!

WHALE RIDER (dir: Niki Caro, PG-13) - This magical film from New Zealand tells the story of Pai, a young Maori girl trying to balance the pressures of the modern world with the ancient traditions of her culture. An audience favorite around the world, WHALE RIDER is not to be missed.

WHAT A GIRL WANTS (dir: Dennis Gordon, PG) – Another film with its demographic clearly marked “tween” is this comedic fantasy that sees Nickelodeon star Amanda Bynes hop across the pond to England to meet the aristocratic father she has never met. How they got Colin Firth to play the aristocratic father is another issue entirely. And when did Nickelodeon become the breeding ground for every celebrity under the age of 20? Frankly, I think it reeks of a STEPFORD WIVES level conspiracy.

WHICH WAY POR FAVOR? (dir: Mick Diener, R) - A group of Americans travel to Mexico in search of Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN-like hi-jinks and get more than they bargained for. Silly gringos. This audience favorite at numerous film festivals is a saucy entrée of sex, sun and sand. Hopefully, you like sand in your entrees.

WILLARD (dir: Glen Morgan, PG-13) - Crispin Glover turns the weird factor up to 11 no matter what movie he's in. So who better to star as the titular character in this remake of the classic horror film about a creepy guy who befriends rodents?

WINGED MIGRATION (dir: Jacques Perrin, G) - The French geniuses behind MICROCOSMOS return with this acclaimed journey into the world of birds. Employing incredible camera techniques that allow the viewer to experience the sensation of flight, this is as unforgettable a film as you will see this year.

WRONG TURN (dir: Rob Schmidt, R) - Here's a surprisingly lively little thriller that pulls no punches and moves along at breakneck speed for 84 minutes. Although it borrows liberally from DELIVERANCE, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and THE HILLS HAVE EYES, it comes off as more of an homage than a rip-off. Starring the ever-appealing Eliza Dushku and Jeremy Sisto, the crazy brother of Brenda on SIX FEET UNDER.

X2: X-MEN UNITED (dir: Bryan Singer, PG-13) - It's the rarest of all films. A sequel that supercedes the original in nearly every aspect. The difficulty of fitting in multiple storylines, several new characters, and remaining faithful to the original comic books cannot be overstated. This ranks as one of the greatest comic book adaptations ever by pleasing the die-hard fans as well as the casual viewer.

XX/XY (dir: Austin Chick, R) - Mark Ruffalo from YOU CAN COUNT ON ME stars in this hip indie that explores modern sex roles between men and women.

ZEMSTA (THE REVENGE) (dir: Andrzej Wajda, NR) - Roman Polanski follows up his Best Director Oscar for THE PIANIST by stepping in front of the camera for this Polish comedy set in the 17th century.

ZUS & ZO (dir: Paula Van Der Oest, NR) - This Dutch Academy Award Nominee for Best Foreign Language Film is a frothy comedy about siblings fighting over a family inheritance. Critics have called it "spiky," whatever that means.